March 30, 2014

Tatts The Way I Like It

First thought: Tattoos. Especially with those legs!  I'm not a fan of them - especially on women, although places as the small of the back, nape of the neck, high on the thigh are discreet enough.  Bold ones down arms and shoulders and legs look like bruises from a distance and spoil the look of some clothes - especially summer outfits. It's a personal choice but there are so many regrets following them!   My second poem comes from personal experience. I was gonna kill my daughter that day!!   My older son's covered in them!  Well, he's got 3 but 2 are quite big....!

From paper to skin then on view to the world -
rubb-a-dubb hard as you can
You'll never get rid of that bless├Ęd tattoo
you're stuck with that git of a man!

Perhaps then with more inky winky -
change his face into somebody new
A heart-throb or family member?
Sometimes any old bugger will do!

Nope. You're stuck with a prominent mug shot -
(like a bruise from a distance) it shows
That the artist made grave overshadows -
the eyes, bottom lip and the nose!
All the boyfriends that were sure to follow
took offence at that grinning buffoon!
Staring at them from over her shoulder
ending romance a tad-or-too soon.

My advice to the ladies who brave it
is to ink with some caution and choice
Or end up forever in long sleeves
break your heart or be fluid's rejoice!

Such bother to fix the offensive
by laser, or tainting more skin
Needle a lady-like crevice?
Better run well before you begin!

Don't Even Ink About It!

I found out that she was off abusing
her flawless skin with a tattoo.
A life-long and insane decision
without thinking of thinking it through !

Is it gonna be rude or revealing?
Something completely absurd?
Ended up being fairly artistic
by way of a cute ladybird !

As a mother it felt part assuring 
things turned out to be not so bad.
Till I found it was inked on her left boob -
first and last tattoo she ever had !  


March 29, 2014


The clocks in the UK go forward tonight - so that's a whole hour less for Mother's Day.  Yes, a whole hour quicker in receiving my Cards (most likely a bear theme as with most years)  shop-wrapped Chocolates or early Easter egg from late opening or early opening Sunday stores with now limited stock.  Flowers (from the overnight petrol station or neighbours' garden (depending on how drunk and brave they get).  They're far too scared to knock-off a cemetery in the dark or live with any 'consequent' hauntings  I might even be blessed with my older son bringing his wee growly doggie with him tomorrow to let ' Grunji ' (the mongrel equivilant of a granny) take him for walkies while the footie's on!  The dog know's  the routine you know!  The only saving grace will be the card that my daughter sends - she always put her heart into finding appropriate ones ......even if she does  use her work's stamp to post it!!

Oh, where have the days of self-made cards, ripped with glitter and pasta shells, the poems and messages - even the one where Adam apologised for not buying me a gun that year - and the daffodils and tulips picked nicked from the blind corner at the garden centre  from surrounding woodlands, gone?

If I'm not up by say, 3pm tomorrow,  just leave the stuff at my bedroom door guys........with the tray of breakfast goodie's and my Simon Baker DVD collection.  Ach! I love them really (the kids not the DVD's - that goes without saying).   Neecht Neecht........!

ps.......British 'summertime'?  Still keep your brass monkeys indoors or make sure they get an even heavier groin rub with Duraglit!

March 27, 2014

Oh, Sole Meme-O

I never managed to add my link for Sunday Stealing in time but I'm still gonna do the meme and perhaps up some interest in it for this coming Sunday  (which will be the UK Mother's Day!) so fun all round!
Anyhow -

1. Do you know triplets?
   No. But I am an identical twin so know a smidgen about multiplying!

2. Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?
    I'd have to say Titanic.  It still tackles my emotions after this long!
3. Have you ever eaten Indian food?
   Chicken and lamb korma with pilau rice is a fave of mine!
4. What’s the name of your favorite restaurant?
   The Gulnaar - where I order my kormas from.
5. Who’s your favorite person in the world?
    My daughter.  She's as solid as a rock and the funniest little thing alive!
6. Would you rather live in a rural area or in the suburbs?
    I'm very much a town person.  Rural would eventually do my head in.  I need noise!
7. Can you whistle?
    I'm not good at it.  I've a wet chin at this very moment!

8. Do you sleep with a nightlight?
    Not on purpose, but I do nod off while reading sometimes, with the back of my husband's head propping up the book!
9. Do you eat breakfast every morning?
    Not every morning. Sometimes it rolls into brunch!
10. Do you take any pills or medication daily?
      LoL.  I rattle as I walk.  I've cheated death twice!

11. How many times have you been to the hospital as a patient?
      Countless over the years.  I have an existing medical condition that requires regular monitoring so I'll be back!
12. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
       Seen it, loved it.  I can't throw away the bath towel despite it being over 10 years now!

13. Where do you buy your jeans?
       High Street stores. Not fussed.
14. What’s the last compliment you got?
       From the ladies of the community centre. Just had my hair bobbed!

15. Do you usually remember your dreams in the morning?
      Snippets of them. It's only the very very good dreams and nightmares I hang on to. I really should be jotting things down and try to analyse them.
16. What flavor tea do you enjoy?
       Just your basic, everyday tea leaves. Sometimes I try herbal and lemon.  Peppermint tea is really good for you, too!
17. What social media sites do you use?
      I have a Facepuke account but rarely visit there.  Blogger is the only one I'm faithful to....!!

And if anyone can make sense of this Vine below, then I take back calling my son a right weird eedjit!

"What WAS that all about...?  Answers on a postcard...........................

March 25, 2014

Come Back PrettyBoy

                                                                      Dedicated to my older son, who not so long ago
                                                                  flew away way, up a kye and landed in another nest. 
                                                                      He wasn't quite as bad as the poem makes out!  

Jeez - Oh! You've been sloppy, I don't understand
why your room was addressing your messy demand!

Where everything's tumbled and tangled in stead
headboard to sideboard and under the bed!

Ciggy-end ashtrays made up from all things -
soda cans mainly that leave sticky rings

Take-away boxes would grow their own crust -
how on earth did this room not implode or combust?!

Spilling the guts of the wastepaper bin
you're Adam's descending, original sin!

Those books and a couple of  'art '  magazines -
seems there's more than surroundings that's needing a clean!

That broken old shade with the light bulb amid
saw more of your room than fresh air ever did!

Plugs still alive with no item on charge
with telly and DVD giving it large!

Carpet strewn with your undies and work clothes each night
while the wash-machine struggles to keep up the fight

Your night-out clothes end up a right knotted mess -
smelling of musk and a need to confess.............'

Dusters, detergent's all under no quota
those frontiers of cleanliness wiped from your rota

Yet I'd still risk the danger, go down on my knees
to once again buy in blue cans of Febreeze

Your my messy-man-missing, a tidy-free nutter
perfecting the whole art of, taste, smell and clutter

How I wish I could hold you in long house arrest
to fill up my loss and this huge empty nest!


March 22, 2014

Adapting To Adopting

  My girl and her hubby have very much accepted that pregnancy, be it natural or fertility oozed, is not going to happen for them.   James has conquered testicular cancer and Kerri was given the diagnosis of her polycystic ovaries a few years ago.   Despite extensive and expensive treatment, the results have been disappointing and draining.

Recently, they passed phase one of their application for adoption.   I'm so very proud of them both for accepting their own unfortunate findings and still have the heart, love and longing for parenthood.   Then again, I kinda believe in miracles, too!  Love ya's!



March 20, 2014

Another Vine Day At The Surgery

Weekly antics at my daughter's Dental Surgery.........

This week:  How the girls spend a bit of spare Friday time constructively:


March 18, 2014

Breaking News

This evening, at approximately 6pm, Trevor McScrooge at last dealt with an ongoing follical crisis which resulted in him giving his wife a hair cut.   At least 6 inches of dead and split-end hair was taken from the length and bobbed into a far more manageable, slick style.  His wife, Helena, ( who threatened to take the scissors to her own hair) could hardly contain her excitement adding:

"Oh, my God!  Oh, my God! .........he succumbed!   I think the promise of giving him back his DVD collection unscratched may have helped!" 

Having this home cut saved £25, the price her closest salon would charge for the same hairdo.  McScrooge is considering what to get himself with the money, totally unaware that his wife is placing an order online for a pair of sale boots at this very moment.

This article will be substantiated via a new profile picture to be uploaded soon!


March 16, 2014

Laying Bare

Not being particularly Biblical, I've never seen this wonderful piece of art before, so my poem kind of incorporates Lent and Mary Magdalene - what the prompt said when it first spoke to me.   Hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Gathering for mouth and heart 
grandeur to a new fine art
To many it may feel unjust,
without the greed and upper crust

The dawning days not made to last
while under Simon's roof amassed
A man's deceit and other voices,
burdening, eternal choices

Tables worn with wine and fever
still supply the disbeliever
Yet, cannot tell his learned friend
this feast, alas, draws near the end

Come, diner, with him sit around,
effeminate, or muscle bound
To read his soul and dine on grace
a vision never to efface

Cleanse and drying weary feet
feeling comfortably replete
Embittered though from heart to womb
she but a vessel to exhume

He carries love and condemns sin
yet wears her like a signet ring
Dining on both bad and good
he calls to feast but serves no food.........

In Simon's house they all were fed,
a revelation left for dead
Plates sit cold and goblets dry -
fills up the willing to comply


March 15, 2014

Another Vine Day At The Surgery (Dinner Break)

More antics from my daughter's Dental Surgery....:


March 13, 2014

Dear Adam

Dear Adam,

Next time your tie needs cleaning, will you please give it to me so I can hand wash it.  I've never struggled this hard trying to separate clothes from the machine since that stray pair of tights in the 80's!


March 10, 2014

No Place Like THIS Home!

Damn! Someone has gone and bought me
at the very lowest price
I thought my shambled, wasted look,
would make them all think twice!

Dear Lord! I'm being stripped again,
this new lot seem deranged!
Why can't they move in quietly,
without the need to change?

I'm happy doing nothing,
with my cracks and holes and damp
Why can't they all just slum it?
But oh no!  they must revamp!

They'll size me, analyse me,
top to tail me in cement
Pop a lid and grab some brushes -
charge with purposeful intent

What ruddy colour will they choose?
I'll end a sorry sight!
Lady pink or powder blue?
A ruddy wall hermaphrodite!

Or will they go the whole hog
and repaper me again?
I'll be shamed with giant flowers
getting blurry in the rain!

Will they cheapen me with basic?
Anaglypta? Wooden chips?
Nope, I'll get a roll that bounces
when you lift your fingertips!!

And for shiny, smooth fulfillment
they'll paint doors in all the rooms!!
Just to inhale hard on purpose
to get high on glossy fumes!

Once I'm dry, they'll likely hang me
with the tackiest of stuff
Or trust to me, a huge TV
till the rawl plug's  had enough!

Carpeting my floorboards
hanging swinging chandeliers
A ceiling so grand giving
Michaelangelo the fear!

And what's with all the mousetraps
(and odd scurry of the rat?)
My cute, freeloading tenants
will not ever fall that!

It may take another century,
abandonment and all
Dereliction calls, once 
renovation takes its toll

Be it pristine, neat and tidy,
cluttered, strewn and messed 
A home is where the heart is
where one's righteous and one's blessed


March 08, 2014

Another Vine Day At The Surgery

Another Vine entry recorded at my daughter's Dental Surgery.  Poor unsuspecting Zoe ( in the chair ) 'walks' right into this one:

                    "One of my female work co's won;t stop staring at my breasts!"


March 06, 2014

Mucky Dogs And Dubs

Earlier on today while taking my son's little tyrannosaurus rex  doggie a lengthy walk down the cricket pitch path, a van wooshed past, ripping through a muddy puddle and soaking us both in the process.

During my somewhat loud profanities, the van came to an abrupt halt with its hazard lights on around 50 yards ahead.
   A man of around forty came running towards me with a blanket draped over his arm.   Handing it to me to rub off the worst of the puddle stains, he couldn't have been any more apologetic.   A bush had been obscuring his vision on the slight curve, and assuming the road clear, sped on.

I accepted his apology, cleaned myself (and Hetfield the mutt) as best as, declined the offer of a run home (as I knew the dog wouldn't settle in the van) and felt a bit fortunate in the fact that most vehicles would simply have driven on regardless.  But, ahh................

It may be late, thirty-odd years late, but I hang my head in (a modicum of) shame, recalling the times my first boyfriend
and I went in his car, seeking out victims (not old dears or children) after heavy rainfall or melted snow and finding it hilarious.  I think we know which way I'll be heading if there's an afterlife..................


March 05, 2014

Meme and Youyoo

I have been coerced convinced to join a Meme blog. Despite being total strangers, I look forward to the weekly spot they have in some Woman's magazines. While I think they're fun and say a lot about someone, they can also contain some surprising, gasp-inhaled revelations, too.  But who cares?!

I may make it a regular feature over on my mostly fun-filled sister blog Quick Sticky Bits  depending on popularity and how the interaction goes.  As a warm up, I've been sent a few Q's chosen at random:

 1. What was the last thing you watched on TV? - Here's Comes Honey Boo Boo.

 2. When did you last laugh? - Roughly an hour ago at the above programme.  I've never seen anything like it!

 3. What kind of music do you hate most? - I hate heavy metal, especially Metallica.  And dare I say the drone of bagpipes!
 4. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike? - Yes, clinging on like f**k to my big brother's torso along the motorway. First and last time ever!

 5. Where's the furthest away place you're ever been? - Valletta, Malta.
 6. Have you ever won a trophy? - Yes. A modern ballet award in High School. That's it! 

 7. What was the name of your first pet? - Piper the guinea pig!

 8. What do you think about the most? - My mind's a constant muddle, but my thoughts often stray to my daughter as I miss her so much.

9. What is your favourite time of the day? - Bedtime...!!

10. Where did you grow up? - Langlees in central Scotland


March 02, 2014

Laying Low

Flawless notes draws the King from his shelter,
catching her breathing, her chest heaving hard
Sniffing around with his nose deep in fine hairs,
holding her there in instinctive regard

Her journey a strange one, with no set direction,
following moon beams that she deems a guide
Her lute is the only possesion she treasures,
performing for pittances, playing for pride

She dreams on the pure sands, hushed on by the waters,
contented though tired, inspired by each day
Listens intently till she hears the rustling,
closes her eyes, puts the lute down to lay

He hauls his huge body and settles beside her,
not giving a roar, nor a snore, or a sigh
Come morning her sleep-place is circled by paw prints,
his Highness has left without saying goodbye.......