December 31, 2013

Happy Birthday & Happy New Year!

Just a quick visit to wish everyone a Happy New Year - especially my baby girl who turns 32  today! I so wish I was just a 10 minute bus trip away as she can't always make it back to the Motherland from London to celebrate it!   I'm not a great celebrator at the bells, so this party-pooper will most likely be bed for midnight!  Rabbie would be well pissed off with me, but auld acquaintances of mine are rarely forgotten!   A lot of my bloglist may not know that I'm back but I'm off for a very looooong catch up with some personal hellos!

Leaving a version of Auld Lang Syne with accompanied visions of Scotland.   In truth, I usually can't stand the screechy noise from bagpipes but they get me ever so teary each Hogmanay.   It's these times I miss my own Auld Man the most, you see.

Whadda ya mean this fonts too small for some to read....?


December 29, 2013

Missing Months part one

Last time I made any proper commitment to a Blogger post, it was a very sunny and warm day.  Today I have a hand warmer pad microwaved and slung into the pouch of my fleecy-kitty shrug (thank you PrettyBoy for that - a very much appreciated Xmas gift despite the scary hood!). I've been away too long.......

 I'm back with a wordy vengeance and need to catch up with my regular followers and groups that I loved visiting.  I guess I've missed Magpie Tales the most.  Besides today's entry, my last poem was Mag 184. Rhyme withdrawal is one of the most difficult to manage, but I intend to shoot up hoards and hoards of blogs to get the habit going again.

Anyhow - a few family things worth a mention.  PeaPod and his band No Need For Idols played Glasgow's King Tuts and performed a song that he himself wrote about his father (The Cheaper Half). It was very emotional hearing it in all it's glory live and on stage.   And reporting on me other son's band......I'm happy to report that Paul from Hotel India has recovered from his broken wrist and gigs should start a happening soon.

And now for a (kinda) nasty and nice bit of news.  Kerri and James ( my daughter and her hubby ) made the papers when an intruder was discovered having sneaked into their home!  Probably smuggled into the country via a banana bunch, this False Widow spider was cutting about their house like a welcomed tenant!  I know how regular spiders frighten the crap out of Kerri but these ones are of the few in Britain that can give a nasty bite.  Even I, chief  'pidie saver in my own abode would have been tempted to slipper-squish this bugger.

And finally, on a cheerier note.  James's landscaping company (Gavin Jones) of whom he is the boss, won the Bali British Awards title for 2013, held at Grosvenor House in London. Hosted and presented to them by Hugh Dennis, regular panellist on TV comedy show, Mock The Week (I'll upload a short video  of his spontaneous voice-over talents on my side bar shortly) it sure was a proud day. Can't wait to take another tour again next month!  Worth a click here if you're interested!  

Off for a little catch-up now....I'm a bit rusty, but It's nice to be back.....XxX



I don't like looking straight at me
The me the whole world wants to see
Raw emotion, gilded gain
A wreath of mediocre pain

Happy in my ever after
Clinging on to sweet disaster
Indecisive, spent delay
Negative in funny ways

Actions playing games with thought
Behind a lens for vision's sought
Unable to defeat addiction
Hung upon my crucifixion

Don't underestimate that click
However lengthy, poised or slick
The mind's eye loses battle to
Those carbon layers of you-know-who........


October 09, 2013

Helena's Dilemma's

Not disappeared into obscurity - just got family problems and I'm in the middle of changing internet providers and a whole new system to boot! Typing this from the library! See you soon me hopes...!

September 02, 2013

Somewhat Cagey

Be careful little bitty
I may nab you for my friend
I plan to lure you in a cage
to sing to me no end

Watching from a high point
of your daily ins and outs
Longing with a fervor 
to know of your whereabouts

But! The leaves have fallen from the tree
now powerless to bow
Then so begins my stakeout
then your freedom's disavowed 

Come closer little bitty
see the treats that I bestow
In my silk and woven basket
and the cage that swings below

See, I told you little bitty
your defences they would fold
And our friendship would be happy
at home, gilded in your gold 


August 30, 2013

Darts A Disgrace!

As much as it is hard to believe,  my (girly-ish) sporting interests - gymnastics, synchronized swimming, high diving, equeis  equesr  esque  show jumping ect,  do not  stop there.   I'm not all puff powder and marsh mallows.  Oh, no!  I can scream at a television hard enough to shatter the screen AND  you'd get good odds on by the end of viewing I'd be word-bonkingly hoarse!   And the sport?   DARTS!   I'm a sucker for it.   The meantime coverage of The Second World Series of Darts at Luna Park in Sydney, where Australia and New Zealand take on the rest of the world's top 16 seeded players however,  brought back the story of  a certain Australian born fan (now residing in England) a couple of years ago.

Nathan Grindal  (above) attended a darts match in England and because of his beard and long hair he was bombarded by the crowd with continuous taunts liking him to Jesus.   The poor guy was turfed out of the venue in case the 'fuss that had erupted'  put the actual darts players off performing, so escorted him from the arena!   Had the lad turned up in a sack with a rope around his waist, ( as it is a popular trait to go dressed up to matches ) then maybe a scrape of reason to taunt may have been accepted but he was a regular guy!   Fuck, half the bands in Central Scotland have a hairy member!   See Kassidy for confirmation...and that's another plug over!!   The link below gives more details of Nathan's ordeal. 

This Link Below 

One little blessing I do want to mention is my very own Ginger Jesus.   Yup - my lad , Adam,  looking similar to Nathan, has the nickname and is fondly referred to often as GingerJesus.   But he embraces the title.  We're not religious but I never mock anyone for having faith in what variety or deity  that may be in.   As Adam puts it  "I'm a ginge, mum, there's worse things I could be called!"   He's rode the red-haired rodeo all his life and coped with it well.

Ironically,  my GingerJesus IS a saviour of sorts himself.   Adam plays in our local pub's darts team (The Warriors) and is shit-hot at it.  Not so long ago he prized back for his team the cup that had been with rival pub, The Mariner's Bar,  for 7 long years.  To an almighty roar - GingerJesus won back the trophy (on a double six!)   He also helped spark new youth interest in the game with his friends following the team around.  Strangely enough the darts team captain Jim dubbed Adam, PeaPod, after he realised that Adam's dad was an old friend of his whose nickname when young was Pod (as he used to go tea-leafing pea-pods from gardens) so therefore Adam is a pop off the old pod, so to speak!  

Anyhow - my blogging rant is over.  I'm gonna be  screaming like a lunatic  sitting back with my lousy score-keeping,  enjoying the rest of the Australian tournament.   I love the mad atmosphere, the cameras zooming in on the zoombo's in the crowd and reading the daft messages in between throws that the camera catches - some really funny at that.

My top 2 choices now to win (now that Barney, from Holland, was out in the first round) is either fellow Dutchman Michael van Gerwen or Australia's Simon Whitlock, whom I've admired for many years and,  if he takes out his pony tail and pulls that hair forward he may resemble a certain let me think this one out,  folks...........†



Whomever the player, I'm sure they could use a little card like this in their top pocket.........


August 26, 2013

The Swerve

Step aside, you wanton man
for I have taken all I can
Your menial and pitied grace -
made one think of a passing place

And when the cracks began to show
some furious,  some too damned slow
Pretence in all it's firm embrace -
drew out for me a passing place

Forgiveness in the plural sense
hacked at my heart and confidence
Too many lines there to erase -
except a curving passing place

Time won't heal nor make you see
the damage you have done to me
No silence due,  no touching base -
I've mapped out my next passing place

I'll always love you,  sure of it
but we longer click and fit
The only way for breathing space -
drive straight towards that passing place

Now I'll give you a wider berth 
to find me on this huge green earth 
You'll only run a loser's race -
while I'm parked in my passing place

Another rather sad one this week. Altogether now aaaaaaaaah....choooo!  Won't be long until humorous Helena's back. She can't stay away.  Oh, and it's Music Monday/ Tuesday Tunes time again. I wished you guys would iPod's gagging for it!.......Quick Sticky Bits

August 25, 2013

Strawberries Stoned

As we're venturing towards Autumn, I can say with all honesty that I'm happy to see the summer slowly fizzle out.

Sadly, it also means the end of our garden strawberries. Every year there usually is the odd one or two that grow into something weirdly and wonderfully wacky.  This year, the best result was this fruity reject below:

                                                            From the front:   The John Merrick
              From the back:   The Karl Malden (who can forget that nose!)

Although our malshaped strawb had so many bumps, it didn't quite meet the charm of these misfits:                                                    
                                   The Mini Dino

                                    The Phallic Prick                      

                               Whole Heartedly Handled                

                          My personal favourite:  Socked It To 'Em
                                        ( you can actually see leg hairs when clicking to enlarge! )                       
But wouldn't it be great to strain a strain of strawbs that tastes rather much the same but with a variety of looks?

You know - I've always wondered what a Pic 'n' Mix strawberry punnet may consist of?

I like a little swim in my other fast and fun blog - please take a little dip there as well Helena's Quick Sticky Bits

August 22, 2013

Ordinary (Kinda) Days (8)

Not the greatest of starts to the day.  My cat, Boaby, came home with a tarry substance on his tail end. Relentlessly licking away at it, I got rather scared about the harm he might cause himself so I decided (against all felinely ethics) a bath was necessary.  He turns into Freddie Krueger mode the second a pool of water over 2 inches appears before him.  Three adults, two hairdryers and a box of extra large band aid later and the mission was complete!

Early afternoon saw me doing a bit of shopping and pick up some knitting patterns for my next disastrous  "crap de bleu flec avec numéro 10's '  for my daughter, which led to an unfortunate little exchange on the bus ride home.  The sun suddenly appeared,  shining warmly through the window which kick-started the tingling and before I could stifle it, I let out a 95 mph sneeze, to which the lady sitting in front didn't take too kindly to.  My apology and explanation that I did actually have a tissue but in the pocket of the jacket that I had rolled up and crushed in my bag, didn't appease her that much.  Moaning git.....most of it settled on the window anyhow!

Feeling more pooped by 7pm that usual, I took an earlier bath ( in which the cat had no decision in ) and afterwards pampered my tootsies with layers of royal jelly lotion my daughter left behind. This in later affect made me slide on the kitchen lino but did you know you get a much better view of the bottom shelf of your fridge while doing the splits !?

One little uplifting factor.  In almost 28 years I've at last and quite unexpectedly come across a film with Rutger Hauer completely in the nip!  It's Dutch, early 70's, unsubtitled, and looks like a complete load of tosh that could, therefore,  make it a cult flesh flick of some standing in the Netherlands' regions!

But today's overall
lesson......never get too complacent when beating a man at Gin Rummy as he'll seek revenge and totally tank the arse of you in a future Countdown challenge. Ta-rah! 

August 18, 2013

Lost Limpet

Stood on the enticing bow
overboard but don't know how

A cooling comfort, tingled skin
aqua waves, immortal sin

Hanging on to flotsam junk
my vain pretences now all sunk

No life vest on, a heart in drought
whose lighthouse beam has just gone out

Still falling, ever falling deep,
chasing that elusive sleep

Saturation, breathing pains
saline reminders, drying veins

Crystal clear comes to my aid,
helps me fuel this this lone cascade 

Floating through a bowl of stars,
night time reflection leaving scars

Midnight ocean, sink me far
however lonesome or bizarre

Just let me wake among the sands,
where Neptune ruled the bedded land.


August 16, 2013

Park It In....!

I was amazed to find this video of a certain park in London on Youtube.   It was my son-in-law's landscaping company,  Gavin Jones,  that were contracted to work on the grounds.   Reinventing  South Hill Park in Bracknell (with its infamous Haunted House) took a quarter of a million and four long,  laborious months to complete.   But the end results are astounding, considering it was a deserted location at one point.  Prince Edward declared it officially open and was escorted round the house and grounds.  

Anyhow, here's a few pictures from my own album:

                                  Me on the garden balcony
The right side garden of the back of the house

That infamous ghost picture!
And below my son and daughter with the magic makeover man in red

 It's nice to see appreciation for work well done and I'm sure the park and house will continue in it's new success........just watch out for that apparition if you enter the building,  he apparently blew his brains out!


August 12, 2013

10 More Quotes I Recall.........!

 Over the span of my hum-drum life, I wished I'd documented every time I've either put my foot in it, or not given enough thought to what spills from my rather ill-timed  gob. Though-est would not believe it!   
                                                                                            ... .... For me, it's not uncommon to be gossiping or ranting, and the poor sod I've been insulting / pitying is either right behind me or within earshot.   I've had more egg on my face than Dove soap.  I still cringe at the thought of some of them but even with those that weren't too bad, I rathered I'd kept schtum!


1: Circumstance ~ While signing a sponsor sheet aiding a local sportsman going for a charity bunjee jump:

" Do we get our money back if the rope snaps...?"

2: Circumstance ~ As tensions were rising at the Battle Of The Bands final (in which my son's band was in the running ) to a woman in the ladies I thought I'd shared the band bus with:

" It'll be a travesty if that shaggy-haired dipstick's band wins! "

Her reply:

" They're called Love Over Gold.  I'm the bassist's auntie." 

3: Circumstance ~ Out girlie shopping with my sister I was being introduced to a friend of hers from work.


" Is your hair on purpose?" I asked of the rather impressive weave, while searching for other words to query if she had any special function to attend.

4: Circumstance ~ Bumping into his friend Craig coming out of a shop as we were passing, my son played the sympathy card and complained about a recent muscle strain in his back.  Craig asked how he injured himself and I butted in with:

" That's what he gets for trying to lick his own dick..."

Unnoticed by us, Craig's mum was sitting in her car, window down, just a few feet away.

5: Circumstance ~ At the funeral of a distant relative I was reunited with a childhood friend and despite the sad nature of the day, it was uplifting catching up with Moira.   I was mortified to recall next morning that on our way out of the venue I'd told the fresh widow that.....

" I've had a brilliant day......! "

6: Circumstance ~ during a rather tedious (mostly one-sided) exchange of hedge gossip with an uppity neighbour, my focus rested on her cat until she started to feel awkward as the moggie commenced licking her female parts.

" Oh, no need to apologise," I quipped, " if I could do that I'd never leave the house. "

The conversation petered out pretty soon after that and she doesn't seem to have time to stop and natter these days!


7: Circumstance ~  Apprehensively meeting my twin sister's in-laws for the first time  (who were sickeningly highly la-de-da, Victorian-value snoots ) I absentmindedly started to nibble on my fingernails until:

" P'tooo! " 

As my twin and Doreen chatted, I'd spat a teensy sliver onto her carpet.  It was loud enough to catch their attention as their eyes darted towards me but politeness seemed to make them continue in conversation.

8: Circumstance ~  A grandmother (I assume!) was pushing a double buggy / stroller around the supermarket - much to the delight of the babies - and they all came to rest at the fish counter beside me. Wearing shorts, red t-shirts and floppy-woppy hats, I knew who they put me in mind of:

"Which one's Bill and which one's Ben? "

Granny tutted, shook her head a little and continued her reply by pointing out one baby at a time:

" THIS one's Abigail and THAT one's Hannah "

Well, if it ain't wearing frills......!

9: Circumstance ~ Stuck at the lights along a busy bus route, I noticed the primary school kids were out.  One little chap made a beeline for a mucky puddle while practicing  rude gestures and soon had a girl's school satchel flung up a tree.  Having helped break the monotony of the bus journey, I disclosed rather loudly to my hubby that.....

"I just love watching wee boys coming home from school " 

Not the way I intended to praise the little gods of mischief but I hoped the commuters made light of it!

10:  Circumstance ~ my son PeaPod and his GF had returned from Xmas shopping and she whips out a floral number that resembles an apron from the 50's.

" Awe - your mum will look really nice in that..."

" It's actually for me," she quips, " for New Year!"

 *          *          *          *          *          *         

We'll all put our foot in it on occasions.  It's an unfortunate and cringe-worthy deed and I think George Herbert sums up the quote nicely with:

"Better slip with foot than tongue."  

This week's Magpie Tales entry is directly below this post and for those who fancy a bit of the other will catch me in these waters


August 11, 2013

Nobody Dances Like Mother

Marquee stands and coronets, 
layers of madness in Georgette
Acts to stir the manic up, 
absinthe there for her to sup

Catch her moments, catch her soul,
spirals out of her control
Capable of anything, 
as in her head the urchins sing

Audiences do not matter, 
moving to her own glib smatter
Entertainment ready spent, 
admission free outside the tent

Swoops and dips and sinister stances 
cataleptic stares and trances
Delightfully a dame deranged, 
a minor cheer in sweet exchange 

Need she not partner a fellow,
for her perfect score Bolero
Moonlight glistens bust and face
keeping lit finale grace

There she goes, the mad old sow
showing everybody how
The mind perceives and captivates
far too often, far too late

ps.....remember to look for the added edit - my own little stamp - in each week's picture prompt!

August 06, 2013

Darlings, Happy Anniversary

Today my daughter,  Kerri,  and her husband,  James,  celebrate their 9th wedding anniversary.   Destiny certainly did her job well as they are the most suited couple I know and I would like to share a few snaps from their wedding day in their honour.

                            Kerri and her dad (my first hubby) Kevin

                                     During their vows
                                   Mr and Mrs Brooks    YAY!
                          With her Mumma and Pappa as a married girl!
                                                                                                          Posing with her little brother (Pt 1)
                                                                                                          And posing with him again (Pt 2)

I could have uploaded hundreds of snaps but I'm happy with the chosen few.    This below picture simply sums up my girl.   No airs or graces with her!    Cop a load of this........
                                                          My funny, funny girl.....!

Despite the temperature in the 90's,  my ringlet hair-do unfurling in the humidity,  the wedding taxi getting 'lost' on the way to the reception then fleecing us for all he could via our Scots accent,  and me forgetting my choker flower,  it was a brilliant day.   Bouncy castle and wedding bubbles for the adults  kids,  and free booze for the  kids, too  adults,  helped keep the day magical.  

Everyone had a fabulous time.   There was no 'exes' awkwardness.   I get on really well with my ex husband and his family - still get invites from ex-in-laws to attend functions and celebrations!  ( Life's too short for memory shackles!).   And my son-in-law's family are so sweet and sincere.   I think as a unit we're all delightfully nutty - which helps!

Overall, my biggest relief,  with being more than 500 hundred miles from my angel,  is that I don't have to worry about her.  She simply has a gem of a husband.  

Congrats, Kek and Jamesina.....XxX....looking forward to your 10th...!!


August 04, 2013

Not So Namby - Amby

You never told me you could write
with both your left hand and your right,
are there any other talents you can do?

Can you juggle more than three, 
bounce a baby on each knee
while reading them a fairy tale or two?

Can you play the bongo drums
while singing in strange tongues,
making sense to no-one but your tapping feet?

Can you pat your shiny hair,
rub your tummy and declare:
that I'm the nicest girl your ever gonna meet! 

Can you whistle while you stand,
a frying pan in either hand
and flip the food from one side to the other?

Can you pop two corks of wine
and with a smile dark and benign,
keep topping up that tall glass of my mother's?

Can you throw two darts at once
and make my brother look a dunce,
as your bullseye finishes what he ain't started?

Can you hoover as you groove
and congenially remove
all those webs from which the spiders have departed?

What the hang do you mean 'no'...?
But you're a clever so and so!!
Surely YOU can manage that bit extra fuss.....?

Well, alright, 'suppose it's better,
to get TWO scented love letters
'ain't there more to being so ambidextrous........?!