Keyed Off!

Working with me sitting close by her side,
not the greatest idea when I'm there for the ride
Inspiring thoughts come, vacillate and then freeze,
when a wet nose pokes skin or drool lands on the keys

Bones last just minutes and toys lose their fun,
how dare she ingore me, I'm her number one!
Try if one must to lock me in the kitchen
I'll howl so hard it'll ruin her diction

What a blessèd idea when there's time that is free
to be out having fun, not stuck on a settee
'One day I'll be famous!'  she tells me ( as if! )
as for now -  there's a park full of mutt-butt to sniff!

I'd try to distract her, and pee on the floor
but I'd have me  'ammonia nose'  (cold and sore!)
Right - I'll give her a half hour and curl for a snooze,
to create she a novel and down all her booze...............

OMG!  She's still at it - the wine bottle's grown -
time to up canine strategy - go at it full blown!
Drag the leash to her, whine loud and whine clear,
'whisper it to her you loud domineer!'

Jump on the cushions, wag tail in the face,
leave a smell so disgusting and lose doggie grace
Bark out the window at each one who'd pass,
till she's thinking more clearly and heads for the grass

I'll scratch myself silly and then lick my bits,
overtly X-rated till she's calls it quits
Or regress to my puppy-hood, give her those eyes,
tilt my head to left,  produce pitchy-high  sighs

Lay my chin on her shoulder, and paw at the screen
to shut off this pointless and useless machine!
All I want is a walk ( and a run at some point )
and selection of posts for my wee to anoint................

YAY!  I've won, she's sucumbed and accepted my lead,
these dogmatic charms making woman concede.
This writing malarky's a waste of a day,
when there's bounding and fetching and fights to waylay.

Wait a minute, what's happened, she's slipped in my bag,
besides balls, treats and poop-scoop and rub-me-down rag
That ruddy computer and bottle of wine
making me a confused and quite jealous canine!

Drop her guard for a minute, lay down that computer - 
I'll try in the muttiest manner to nueter,
the inside and out of such trouble and toils -
leaving it with no letters ( since I'm without balls ).........................

Guess what? I just heard her, she singing my praises,
telling someone about all those things that amazes
Referring to me - I'm her best friend and saviour,
despite my bad habits and odd misbehaviour

She's writing a poem all about me,
for the world and his wife and cute bitches to see
Posting up pictures on the webby-wide-world
a proud Labrador and his loyal pet girl!

*****************************************

Adapting To Adopting

  My girl and her hubby have very much accepted that pregnancy, be it natural or fertility oozed, is not going to happen for them.   James has conquered testicular cancer and Kerri was given the diagnosis of her polycystic ovaries a few years ago.   Despite extensive and expensive treatment, the results have been disappointing and draining.

Recently, they passed phase one of their application for adoption.   I'm so very proud of them both for accepting their own unfortunate findings and still have the heart, love and longing for parenthood.   Then again, I kinda believe in miracles, too!  Love ya's!

    

*****************************************

Day Off Kiss Off

Oh no, your key turns in the lock
you're home an hour early!
I promised to clean out the car
and polish it till pearly!

Those bins are overflowing still,
forgot to shell the peas
There's no lentils in the lentil soup
expect no guarantees.

Forgot to take the doggie out -
slept right through the alarm
I guess one piddle up the wall
will do the house no harm

I tried my hand at hoovering -
some bloody noise that makes!
But I had to hide the evidence
of breakfast's crumbly cakes

See! The pile of clothes for ironing
no longer tops the chair,
(just crushed it all into a bag
that's underneath the stair!)

YaY! I watered all the indoor plants
with innocent intent
But overflowed the pots by using
metric measurement

Be careful as you walk around 
that shelf piled high with books
For that doggie piddle's not the only
sure relief he took!

And I know I said I'd weed the drive
but dandelions are tough
That 'L' shaped metal weedy thing
near took a nail right off!

I popped out quickly to the shops
where faced with a consign
Was a grocer so hell bent on selling
me a vintage wine  (hic)

In my favour (that's not faring well)
I managed to complete
The making of our king-sized bed
with every corner neat

I'm pure and simply guilty of
domestic misdemeanor
Now, I think it's time we walked that page
and found ourselves a cleaner

Oh, you know that you'll forgive me,
once my lips form their sweet pout
For I've juggled up your senses
and played annoyance out

Lets crush these satin bed sheets 
in this non-marital bliss
And seal our wreakless lifestyle
with a neat and tidy kiss.

***********************************

Flat-out or Fifty?

It didn't hurt too much.  Made the next '0' without any major hiccups. My twin sis and my daughter sadly couldn't make it up from London as originally planned, but as Kerri put it, when we do manage our next get-together it will be done in momentous-knees-up style.  My lads PrettyBoy and PeaPod, made sure I wasn't heading for snuffleland, as this was the first birthday with that milestone zero in, that I haven't shared with my twin.

Anyhow - I was delighted with the cake that Carlene - PrettyBoy's partner - made for me.  Decorated with favourite Swizzel Sweets from my childhood ( Love Hearts, Parmaviolets, Fizzers etc ) with a lolly representing each decade passed, I was in tooth decay Heaven.  Later on, PeaPod put to me that in balance, now that I'm getting REALLY old,  I no longer befitted my  ' a-big-kid at heart ' title, but upgraded to 'a-teenager-at-heart' (with arthritis).  

 So, God help womanhood if bubble perms, Simon Shirts, and tartan-rimmed cropped trousers are all the trend again.  God help Neil Sutherland (my high school crush) Jimbo Miles (my much older brothers' friend ) and Robert McMillan ( my handsome, 6ft 4in 'first' whose arms my big brothers may still want to break ) for ever having ruled my heart.  R.I.P  Spangles, Peanut Treets and Robertson's Gollywog Blackcurrent Jam.  God bring back Tiswas, Barbapapa and Mr.Hopwood from Grange Hill to our HD ready screens, and turn back time to stop Duran Duran, Tenpole Tudor and Sister Sledge from ever having entered the charts.  

But, as I may even had been too old back then in teen-mode, I'd easily settle still for a pair of clackers,  a Pippa Doll (gee, those girls had class and great taste in men ) and most desired by me, a 3D Viewmaster.  Any theme, I'm not fussed. So, c'mon, Lord.  I know you can't help Muvva Naycha being a bitch and aging us but how about a mini miracle, a little slice of the past to help ride my remaining years out?  There's cake in it for you if you do..........
**************************************************************************

I'd never have missed a day at school if Mr.hopwood had been MY woodwork teacher! AND he'd never get away with this kind of 1980's thing in today's classroom.....but ain't he 'andsome!?


***************************************************************************************************

Somewhat Cagey

 

Be careful little bitty
I may nab you for my friend
I plan to lure you in a cage
to sing to me no end

Watching from a high point
of your daily ins and outs
Longing with a fervor 
to know of your whereabouts

But! The leaves have fallen from the tree
now powerless to bow
Then so begins my stakeout
then your freedom's disavowed 

Come closer little bitty
see the treats that I bestow
In my silk and woven basket
and the cage that swings below

See, I told you little bitty
your defences they would fold
And our friendship would be happy
at home, gilded in your gold 

*************************************************

IVF-ing Good Luck....!

My baby goes today for her IVF implant. The eggs fertilized first time and are set to nestle. She's had a bit of an uncomfortable time with the fertility treatment but she got there!  I can't begin to say how lucky a little bambino would be to have parents like Kerri and James. They both humble me. What a happy blessing and wondrous journey it would be to be raised by them. And what an extended family of delightful nutters to be protected and surrounded by!
      
Mother Nature wasn't quite doing her job when their paths crossed and science has had to intervene. But MY baby can take on Lady Luck, too. She's a bit of an all rounder you see, not afraid of much. Not even second attempts. As for me, I'll be crossing everything that's physically possible and maybe just give The Big Man a little palm call.  I know he also specialises in a mini miracle..........or two.  †

   *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *    *     *     *                   

Love Resembled

A beautiful morning led them up the hill 
     grasping on to each other with hope and free will

Above and below the air still swept away 
     those lurid confessions in kisses astray

Spring in the hillside afresh with warm showers 
     sitting there mustering courage for hours 

They sat at the pinnacle, stared at the clouds
     as human-race road signs point to disallow 

A union of passion, alikeness of kin 
     soaring with empathy outside and in 

No hidden agenda, no different to those 
     who'll take an exception when lovers' disclose

Veins tainted golden, beats missing that thud 
   it's cruel when a love-line flows with the same blood 

Yet her lips taste so sweet with the freshest of pout 
     how can stomachs and hearts change to urns of doubt?  

Hiding no option, doing no wrong 
     so cruel when a streak tugs the heartstrings along

Let them see it for better, feel it for worse 
     no splitting asunder or shame for this curse  

Such sooth silky pollen, when a rose from its dozen
       bear thorns deep and downwards and carves the word 'cousin'. 

**********************************

IVF-ing Needing Good Luck!

My thoughts at the moment are focused on my daughter and son-in-law. They are undergoing fertility treatment via injections right now as a lead up to their fertilized embryos being placed in the womb.  The odds of getting pregnant in their case sits at around 40%. 

Kerri and James, the hopeful parents-to-be, have had a bit of a struggle since Mother Nature partly bailed out on them.  Kerri has polycystic ovaries and James had testicular cancer at a very young twenty-six, resulting in him losing one.  The pair of them are otherwise healthy and happy and a sprog (or two!) would be sweet completion. Both have just entered their 30's, been married for 10 years and have been together since they were at high school.  What a result it would be having a future little Reading and / or Stennie footie fan as part of their continual story.  And I'll be babysitting on a regular basis! They're not babes in your arms for long so  commuting from Scotland to London won't pose a problem either! At least one long weekend a month.


Talking of which, I'm traveling to London in April to be with Kek for the IVF processes and huge hugs and such. I'll have my fingers, toes and whatever other body parts that are willing, well and truly crossed!  And if they strike it lucky, I'll have the honour of picking out a title for myself.  Now, do I look more like a Nana or a Granny? Hmmm. Providing no one uses rhyming slang, I'd probably get away with either.

                            §  Fingers Crossed  §

***********************************

Wi Ma Ain Folks

London was amazing. It ended up an extended visit but boy did it rock.  I'm not going to go through the whole shebang here - just pop up the odd picture or two, until I get back into the swing of things.  My breast cancer ultimate results showed the tumours were benign.  I don't think I've ever held on to my daughter so tightly in all her life.  I can look forward to Christmas now, celebrating in the usual unashamed and immature nature.  Anyhow - some post-London pics, where the sun shone for ten glorious days and I didn't complain too much at that!

On our first day just chilling.  

  Back Row :
  Me, me twin, me son-in-law, James, and niece Layla.
  
  Front:
  Me daughter, Kerri, and her brother, Ross.

A Harrods visit:
Kerri finding the department that REALLY mattered! What a store - you could spend a whole day there just browsing (no choice in that matter). We mostly took pictures of price tags and had a game of find the most expensive fish!

A magical traipse round London. God, did our feet hurt after the tour!  Still marvelled over the simple statue of Eros.








 

 Here's me in South Hill Park in Bracknell. My son-in-law James and his landscape company turned this place from shit to a hit!  He guided Prince Edward round the whole park and gardens on it's re-opening!  And the manor house is renowned for it's ghost stories!




 

 This picture is soooo endearing!  Gorgeous Freya is my daughter's friend's little girl and she absolutely loves the bones of James!  She's force-feeding him her crisps here.  I pray that one day the IVF treatment will work and he and my own little girl are blessed with a kiddy of their own!





This is the church Kerri and James married in.  The organ pipes in here and celestial paintings are the most beautiful I've ever seen.  I visit it every time I'm in Marlow to relive the event. It was my proudest moment watching her float down that aisle!  The Vicar was the funniest little guy, ever.  He kept stopping and asking James if he was sure he didn't want to know where the quick exit was!













On my last day there James' parents held a cracking barbeque - what a menu!  It was my first taste of Pimms as well.  I adored their apple tree - just ripe for the picking and eating!
Left to right:
Margaret, my twin, Layla again, Vicky, James' sister and moi!

This is the mat that sits proudly at my daughter's door!  Taken from the Scottish hit comedy, Still Game, (a Barra's buy!) these mats are often commissioned for Xmas and New Year gifts. Some companies need convincing that you actually WANT it misspelt!

Okay, guys!  This snap is the piesta resistance!  I just had to have a piddle in a Harrods bog!  My nutty twin sister took this snap before the toilette-clerk caught us!  And what a lavatory it is!  Towels like cherub clouds! There was even this little circular trolly with a selection of designer parfums if you fancied a free scoot (sample) on your way out!  Honest!

We were tempted to re-inact a situation that occurred when we were nine, involving twin distraction and a packet of Polo mints in McCluckey's  food store,  but we opted for more finger-linger time on the aerosol instead! 

ps..........you can't tell it's me - can you? I think they've got security cameras in that place!
  **********************************
So there endeth the few pictures and precious memories that'll last forever.  I'll make a little slideshow of each album of snaps taken for my sorely neglected sidebar soon!  It's nice to be back.  And even nicer to know that I can share this and future posts with a bit more ease.  I plan to raise funds for those women and families who are affected by breast cancer.  I just spent the last couple of weeks experiencing the time of my life.  It doesn't bear thinking about how the last two weeks could have gone.
*************************

Two Camels and She's Yours........

My beautiful and wacky daughter and her hubby are off for a fortnight's holiday to Morocco.  Her surgery will probably miss her for the two week's - or probably not.  Just to refresh, Kerri is an RDN (among other things) at a mainly cosmetic dental surgery in Buckinghamshire and a phone call to me one bored dinner break went something like this:

 "Hi, mum.  Thought I'd give you a call on my dinner break, I'm eating in, it's raining."


"What's that whizzing, Kek, I thought you had no patients over lunch?"

'I don't - I'm just trimming a piece of wallpaper with the drill - you know those middle trim pattern things - not quite even"

I continue my yapping when I hear a slurping sound.

'Kerri is that the saliva suction I hear..?

'Just clearing my sinuses, mum...'

'You grotty child...'

Suction continues in background.

'I can still hear the whoosy noise!'


'Fly's just come into the room, I'm trying to suck it dead'


I continue my mundane conversation and the next thing I hear little chippy noises.  


'What are you up to now, kiddo....?'

'Rolled some luting cement into little balls and I'm trying to ping them into spit cups, mum.....it's fun!'

And so the remainder of our conversation had little interruptions for the next 10 mins.

 The staff at her practice nickname her 'Matron' as she's a bossy cow, and likes her surgery just so. She blows up gloves and does chicken impressions for scared kiddies.  She's run open days at the surgery on weekends and sacrificed many a Saturday in between to help out, as they get the odd celebrity patient in.

  On return from her holiday, she'll tut and moan as the the temp that takes her place will have things in other places.  But she's still the biggest asset that surgery has. I burst with pride when I read the plaque she was awarded and all the patient comments that go with it.  But, where that apparatus-abuse comes from, I don't know!  It's not like I ever took her or her siblings to McDonalds and played 'Karate Chop' with the french-fries or anything...........



 ********************************************

~ Can't Ever Walk Away ~

You'll never be free of the disease of me
I'll always make tracks in your mind
Leave footsteps and regrets and altering thoughts
Realise that I'm one of a kind

You'll never be free of the bruise that is me
I'm the blood in the veins of your eye
I'll forever reflect in the pools where you look
Rip your heart out with one little sigh

You'll never be free of the fire that is me
Fingertips blister on touch
I'll sigh in your ear when you're lonesome
And singe any other you clutch

You'll never be free of the silence of me
Trees moaning with each violent sway
While the land all around you leave pointers to me
As my essences fill up your day

You'll never be free..........................
 ********************************************************

The Booby Trap and Other Crap

I've been a bit down since the phone call from the hospital saying that there is a suspicious area that the sonographer and consultant both wondered about at my last visit but didn't want to worry me with it at the time until they had consulted each other again. Ironically, the needle biopsy came back clear, all safe and well and the little lump is just a passing visitor. He should be gone completely in a few weeks. Now the radiographer wants a needle-core biopsy to remove cells from a lumpy area that I never even knew I had. It's concerning lymph nodes or the likes by my right breast armpit.  What a buggering pest.......!  Most of the time they are benign but just in case.  I thought I'd said tatty-bye-bye to all the poking and prodding, too. Hey-hoe...! It has, however, made me more determined to keep abreast of the charity night's developments  Yes, that cringe-worthy pun WAS on purpose.

Having no internet connection has been a pain as well.  My suppliers - Virgin - had an area fault around ten days ago. The whole of the neighbourhood's internet  was down  for 24hrs and guess whose connection was the only one not to be accepted again by their modem....?  I have to receive a refund but if there is no huge bunch of flowers or money-off tokens from my next balloon trip, I'll be furious!!!

The one and only thing that has lured me out into the social world this past fortnight has been my youngest son's debut band appearance at Scotland's most sought after venue Not every act gets to grace that stage - you must prove your worth first.  I don't know what it is about King Tuts in Glasgow, but it really does bring the best out in performers and the fans.  I loved the rapport between both. What makes it even more special is finding reviews and video's from some-one you don't know bigging them up on Blogger.  Thank you, Caitlin for this: 

http://caitlingenoeglasgowmusic.blogspot.com/

Their Song, His Romance

My youngest son is a strapping lad.  Not yet 18 but sporting a beard that is now long enough to plait.  He takes lids off jars as he spins them, blows up and bursts hot-water bottles as his party piece, and lifts the back end of cars up if need be!  You'd never think to look at him he'd be capable of something like this:



As his girlfriend attended an awards ceremony for work she'd done in Lourdes, he spent hours making this  for her return.  In all it's sweet, dodgy-grammar glory, it brought tears to my eyes.  But no-one knows better than me just how big that heart is. And to think the most romantic thing I ever got from his dad was a bloke in a gorilla suit bursting into my work with a bunch of flowers for me............! 

As Lovers Often Do

 
They were bright fields, the ripe fields, where sinning was for fun.
Making love, clouds of dust above, under suburban sun.
As we stood the concrete jungle rose, to greet our tired eyes
And crushed the hope the wheat provided, stripped and fratenised

A shape of every morning captured in the swaying sheaths
Opened the blinds of my mind's new dawning, temporal relief
I try to feel the openess, the hardship of the sow
How a single field can captivate more than they'll ever know.

We make a road each summer, leading to the ordinary
And promise not to burden us with more than we can carry.
Then the harvester, a mean machine, with spikes that rip the heart.
Flattens out the golden hideaway, securing quick depart.

#  You took your life as lovers often do
but I could have told you, Vincent.
This world was never meant for one
as beautiful as you........#

Happy Hollereen....*sniff* ...I'll Miss You!

I might not get the chance to post in time for Halloween. It might be the last of any future Halloween pictures - for a good while anyway. My kids are too old now and Trick or Treat is so popular round our area that I think I'll be forgiven for not joining in for a bit. It will be the first time in fifteen years that I'll not have contributed.

I'm posting some pictures of last Halloween. My wee sister lives in a block of flats with buzzer entry so it's difficult for kid's to get access so I threw a little solitude party for my niece instead. The pics will pretty much speak for themselves. My sister followed us with her camera.

Indoors in Scotland it is traditional to 'dook for aipples!' A basin filled with water, with apples and monkey nuts floating in it and a fork is all it takes. You have to put the fork in your mouth, hands behind your back, aim, let go and try to 'stab' the apple to eat! (Rachel didn't cheat - honest!) It's messy, wet, but so much fun. Now she's at school it'll be parties there from now on. Silly really but it kinda hurts to have closure on such an event. But my time really is needed elsewhere now.

ps.......I just love the pic where the 'Witch' gets a fright &...... Cat's Halloween...!