August 31, 2009

A Lifetime Away.

I haven't got dressed today. It's been kinda weird. It's not because I'm depressed about anything in particular - well, probably these pyjamas, but they're replaceable. Time isn't.

This morning my oldest son went back to college for his 3rd year. It was just an enrollment day and a meeting with his lecturers and teachers for his timetable and so forth, so he was back by 11am. He saw I was teary eyed as I asked him how he got on. I was shown his new timetable and he said he'd had a word with 'Big John' - who's only 5 foot 2, and his lecturer from last year - and he said his recommendation for appliance to university this November was himself and his band-mate, Scott (wee Mick).

They both have passed the requirements that will lead them on to sitting their Masters degree in music and sound recording at Edinburgh uni - and that's when my stomach lurched. Not for a sodding year yet and already I'm wondering what's gonna fill the gap. For the first year there they get Halls Of Residence accommodation and then have to find lodgings but there's usually enough mates to share scruffy pads with and share the rent ect. He has said he will come home at week ends but I'm not so sure.

Who will I nag then for leaving his phone charger plugged in? Who will give me bags under the eyes when his besotted girlfriend comes to the door at 3 in the morning coz she's missing him? Who's ears can I inspect after each bath or shower he takes to make sure he's stuck his fingers in the lugholes enough for a good clean out? The list could go on. I know it's a year away, but it'll whizz by. I knew he was sensing all this, I didn't have to say a word. They know. Told me that there is lots of courses at college for people of any age. Even older than me! One has a walking stick! Bless him.

Before we knew it we were bonding. Just him and me. Something we don't do that often. But we sat and watched the Xmas special DVD's of The Office. It made us laugh together and he knew as much as me that the ending would bring a lump to both our throats and we would struggle to see who kept their cheeks dry the longest. I won. I had to.

Bravery is something I'm rather short on. But when it comes to parenting you need it. It's vital. It's just that there are no scissors sharp enough to fully cut away that cord. And I know that I'll have to get used to not being able to wind it in when I feel like it.

August 23, 2009

Relight My Ire!

Please take a couple of minutes to read the below link:

The lad to the extreme left is Blair, a best friend of my son, Adam. He has been so enthusiastic in his cadet training. Blair and his family live directly across the road from us and we have been good friends for the whole of the boys' lives. The lad is a good-natured, law abiding, mega-funny and popular young man. I've always had a soft spot for Blair, you can't help but like him and I've so many memories of him and my boys. It was no surprise that he'd choose a career as such.

As you can imagine, his parents and whole family are so proud of him - especially 'Greta', the nickname he uses for his granny Edna. But they're not the only ones. The first time I saw Blair in his uniform I struggled to hide the tears. How joyous it is to see a youngster looking ahead to his future and enthuse over such a noble occupation. He looked so grown up when it really wasn't that long ago he was swapping Pokemon cards, going swimming with us, tents and trampolines out the back. If a kid ever deserved such a uniform, it was Blair.
What a hard blow to a bunch of kids who were willing to put their future lives on the line in the name of duty. I do believe in second chances and rehabilitation but this is an out and out slap in the face. Quite simply, I'm blazing mad!

I'll leave you with a few pictures of our little hero from my family album. I know he'll keep his hopes alight and earn that hose one day!

The first time we saw him in uniform.

A proud-chested pose-------------------------------

My daughter Kerri wishing him well on a recent visit.

August 21, 2009

Drawing Nearer.

I'm sitting here right now, glancing out of the bedroom window. It's 9pm and almost dark. Perhaps the fact that it's a shitty night in Scotland is adding to early dusk but it's a real pleasure to see.

I'm not gloomy by nature nor a killjoy by any means. I just adore winter and long, dark nights. To be honest, I'm the only one I know that prefers winter to any other season. My favourite bit? When it's dark by 4.30pm. I love the house to be cozy, smelling of homemade soup and in jimjams by 5pm, with a bowl of ham broth and chunky bread on a tray in front of me. Then I enjoy a nights sleep that I know will content my resting soul, no birds nor light to disturb it too soon.

Nights out are more joyous. Especially if it's a cool, calm sky studded with stars. My particular joys are on bonfire night, and the whole of December. Fireworks and fairy lights deem more colour than even the flowers of summer. Againts dark backgrounds they are hypnotically vibrant. Colours feed off the night.

If I'm really lucky there will be snow at some point. Making my own creations from piles of the stuff can see me out in it for hours. To the point of my toes turning blue and numb. But at least there is one more advantage that winter holds over summer. It's ME who dictates how warm I want to be and not mother nature giving me no choice in the matter.

Carpe Noctum.......

August 15, 2009

No Need For Rain!

Oh, well! It's typical really that the rain put the boot in for my youngest, Adam! Him and his friends were all geared up for their Band In A Van gig that the local council Rock The Talk project arranged. It was to be placed in Callendar Park in Falkirk, right in front of the big house!

Being 'No Need For Idols' first public gig, they were excited as hell. They even managed to pop in a quick set in my house before the designated time of appearance! Then the promoters called to cancel. The stage was too open and a danger to appliances ect, as the rain rained on. Of all the days of the week, it had to choose Friday!

They had parents aplenty with lenses aplenty to capture them on, and even more disappointed than the band members at the cancelation. They even had the local rag interview to help kick-start them into musicdom! Ah, well. What does an element-defeated band do? Just get on with a future show and write new stuff! So here's a picture of the main songwriter's (Oliver and Adam) jammin' on. And just because, here's their bit of fame from the local rag: - definitely no need for them matches and wheely bins, James!!

But here's the link to when they really started a mere 2 years ago. Can't believe the change in them!

August 11, 2009

Painful Paws.

I'm in a kind of limbo of emotion right now. I'm both excited that my boys' bands are both doing great but dreading hearing the news I don't want to hear from my best friend and neighbour, Liz, next door.

Choosing not to have children, Liz's love in abundance is lavished on her pets, although both her and the friend she shares her house with, Tam, have been surrogate parents to my own offspring. Over the past 8 years of living next door to me, they have had to say goodbye to 3 of their cats. All lived to grand ages, but sadly, Tam's cat, Nico, died on his birthday. One year he won't ever forget. Right now, I'm worried for them both.

Liz's has two Doberman Pinschers and her older dog, Tarot, is 12 and in poor health. It could be any day now that he passes. It is something that is unavoidable but each day is a bonus. I visited him recently, and the old guy actually dragged himself upright to walk over and greet me, with his stumpy little tail going like the clappers. It was a shock and a total honour. One, I'm happy to say, that was caught on film.

On ocassions, I've doggysat for Tarot - sometimes before his younger companion, Tealc, came on the scene 4 years ago. I can remember my son feeling as cool as anything, trying to pass Tarot off as his own dog while taking him a walk. I also remember marching him into my kitchen on his lead to frighten the life out of my cat! Don't worry, I knew Tarot was raised with cats and really was the gentle giant he seemed. My cat just hissed a bit, but strangely didn't try to run, they were sniffing noses with each other in seconds and struck up immediate trust. I adore Liz's other Doberman, too, but will always feel my soft spot for Tarot.

I'm gonna miss the bark when the door goes. Miss the gentle way he would lick my ankles while I'd popped in for a cuppa with Liz. Miss watching him from an upstairs window, and remember how Tealc used to copy everything he did while establishing his own right in the doggy world.

So, I'm kinda clinging on to other things here waiting on the dreaded news. I don't care what people say, animal bereavement is just as daunting and affective as human loss. I may be a mum but have been shit at it at times. For Tarot, he was truly loyal and had unconditional love for his owners. It's going to be an occasion I hope I can find the strength to help them see through. Liz has always been there for me when my family haven't. If I could take the pain away I would. ......I'll leave you with a picture of her and Tarot (I'm sure she won't mind) isn't it breathtaking?