February 27, 2013

Chirpy Chirpy Cheap Sweets

Who says romance is dead...?  McScrooge nipped to the shops for some tobacco and brought me back a 10p mix up!  I'm Gob (stopper) smacked. See....he does still think of me when his craving for nicotine's on the run out!  And they wonder why I married the guy!


February 26, 2013

Opportunity Knock-outs

I've just had to delete at least 10 comments from those amongst my recent Magpie Tale poetry entry.  For the past 6 weeks I've been bombarded from those network informations & site advisors, statics and other such trafficky thingy things!  It's not really bothering me that much just a pain in the arse to remove and I wouldn't want to accidentally delete a fellow blogger's comment.  I suppose that's the risks you take once you're in the public domain -  ya don't know who the hangs hanging around - or do you?  I got a bit of a whizz in to teach me about traffic feeds.  I have both visible and hidden feeds that can tell me who's been hanging around and from where. Granted, I rarely check it, but it's there if I ever wanted to.

The remedy on this site of course, is not to let any anonymous comments in, but a few friends & family who like to keep in touch with my Blogger offerings, occasionally leave a comment for me via Facepuke.  I really only visit Facebook on birthdays, band info, or to use as a secondary photo album storer.  If I'm honest, I can hardly tolerate the bloody place.  Sure, it's nice to see how old school friends are doing etc, but I want to leave it at that (apart from one!).  Family fall outs are a nightmare and I've seen far too many dirty laundry days than needed.  Some drink and type.  Mad idea.

My other problem is I hardly check my emails.   Due to some cookie's or expiry problems I haven't been using my  lenasmyth@rock.com   for well over a year now but shall pop up an alternative.  Soon.  Just don't hold your breath. 

There has been, apparently, some little blips on both Blogger and Facebook security.  A poem I had published a few weeks ago had two connecting links in two underlined random words.  One was for some betting nonesense and the other (?)  I haven't a Scooby!  Fixed the problem and hasn't been repeated but it does make you think.  Even just googling your name can have surprising results.

Just wonder who will take the next step to being a pest!  Dear oh, dear oh, dear...............


February 24, 2013

Just A H'armless Piece Of Fun

Not completely satisfied with my entry and will no doubt edit it later!                       

What a pure iconic stance
draws in her presence at first glance
Why would some then interfere
this carving that one holds so dear

The oooh's and aaahhh's reverberate 
his wanton need to recreate
Poor Venus didn't  have much choice, 
missing limbs and missing voice

With chisel, clay and crazy stare,
true artisan's should be aware 
She's made into some household drawers,
if able she'd have called her lawyers!

What's kept inside no doubt is treasure,
could fill a Goddess with such pleasure
He's even managed to imbed
a smaller box in her forehead

So is this art, or madman's pallete
chipping with those wooden mallets
Would Venus dismiss Dali charms
or welcome him with open arms? 


February 22, 2013

That Friday Feeling (7)

It's a good feeling when.........

 .....those tulip bulbs you had no faith would grow after winter's snowfall, are starting to peep their pretty little heads from the edging flower beds.  Now, if I could just convince neighbourhood cats that they'd enjoy pooping in crabby old Mrs. Dewar's garden more than mine, I'd be singing!


February 19, 2013

♪ Gettin' Sticky Wid It ♪

Dear Adam,

In future could you please put your hair mousse on the hair products shelf in the toilet instead of the bathing one.  That was the stickiest shave my legs have ever endured. 
                 Thank you,


T'was Never

It was always a mystery, shrouded in loose history
the story of the house near Granger farm
Ink spots and violins, portraits with silly grins
a walker with his head under his arm 

It was always a wicked smile, a place to let the lord beguile 
and manhandle the maids at his request
Where satin-bows and silks were ripped, Toby jugs with vigor gripped
and grandeur beams a haven to infest

It was always a road to Hell, welcomed with a keen death knell
as magpie's stole the silver from the blind
Where the beautiful and super-creeps and sanity is put to sleep
while angel's hearts are heartily maligned  

It was always a way away, within the glow of dusty days
it's forests formed in parallelograms
Moonbeam shots in rays of black, highlight the human jumping jacks
besought  the lively and the virgin lambs

It was always going to be far, though reachable by foot  or car
repelling then attracting iron gates 
Suck you in the the vast whirlpool, where harps and fingers play the fool 
to join the club of helpless after eights

It was never going to rest in peace, the innards of the endless lease
whose marbled marbles scream within the rooms
Hedonistic overtures, the gilted edges, liquor lures
stand lost and open in the path of gloom. 

February 16, 2013

♫ Loo-st In Music ♫

  How to humiliate yourself in under 20 mins!  During a quick journey into town, I nipped into the ladies loo ( they always seem to smell 'purplish' with  lavendar, violet, lilacs and the likes, don't they? ) in the shopping centre, leaving a carrier bag with a huge block of sliced Lorne, square sausage I purchased from the butcher, behind.  Having no hook on the back of the cubicle door, I rested the long slab by the side of the bowl as I piddled (this image is best not focused on for too long).  Anyhoo, I clicked on almost right away, returned to the loo and yes, the cubicle was occupied.  I gave a little cough and before I finished my "excuse me, but is there a....." enquiry, my sausage block come sliding out from under the door to greet me!  Had this been a shot in curling she'd have scored a mighty rock for deliverance!  Needless to say, I passed on that roll on sausage when I got home.

Next, I felt a right divvy at the bus stop 5 minutes later.  Listening to my iPod at mugging level, I was that deep into a song, I couldn't resist joining in with it's powerful middle eight element and  because I was abusing my eardrums somewhat mightily, I misjudged exactly just how loud I was warbling as three others in the shelter all turned to face me in unison. I slunk to the very back of the bus when it arrived - something that I hadn't voluntarily done in years!

So, that was a mere snippet of how my Friday morning started. Anyone need any shopping done...?


February 14, 2013

♥ No Way! Valentine's Day? ♥

I'd like to say a huge  HAPPY BIRTHDAY  to my handsome son, Ross (PrettyBoy!) who turns 24 today! He was the best Valentine's Day pressie I could have asked for. And I didn't even need to unwrap him!  You've broke a few hearts over the years, sonny boy, but you've filled mine with love and pride.  Big cudds......Mumma Mayhem........♥


February 11, 2013

Some Day

There's this place I visit
almost every day.
A charming and enchanting
little sidewalk street cafe.

There flits my darling, Renee,
taking orders with a smile.
Swiftly cleaning tables 
in her own artistic style.

I peer into my coffee, yes,
I love the girl to death.
A brush against me leaves me  
catching what's left of my breath.

In her eyes I could lose myself,
she'd make my clogged head sing.
But exchanging simple niceties
rarely means a thing.

Will I ever have the courage
to simply ask her out?
Can't she hear this trapped heart beating
or the soul that's shouting out?

Guess I'll just continue sitting here 
and order sweet latte.
Accompanied by extra cream and
a slice of iced dismay.

February 07, 2013

IVF-ing Needing Good Luck!

My thoughts at the moment are focused on my daughter and son-in-law. They are undergoing fertility treatment via injections right now as a lead up to their fertilized embryos being placed in the womb.  The odds of getting pregnant in their case sits at around 40%

Kerri and James, the hopeful parents-to-be, have had a bit of a struggle since Mother Nature partly bailed out on them.  Kerri has polycystic ovaries and James had testicular cancer at a very young twenty-six, resulting in him losing one.  The pair of them are otherwise healthy and happy and a sprog (or two!) would be sweet completion. Both have just entered their 30's, been married for 10 years and have been together since they were at high school.  What a result it would be having a future little Reading and / or Stennie footie fan as part of their continual story.  And I'll be babysitting on a regular basis! They're not babes in your arms for long so  commuting from Scotland to London won't pose a problem either! At least one long weekend a month.

Talking of which, I'm traveling to London in April to be with Kek for the IVF processes and huge hugs and such. I'll have my fingers, toes and whatever other body parts that are willing, well and truly crossed!  And if they strike it lucky, I'll have the honour of picking out a title for myself.  Now, do I look more like a Nana or a Granny? Hmmm. Providing no one uses rhyming slang, I'd probably get away with either.

                            §  Fingers Crossed  §


February 04, 2013

Lousy Little Library

Although this week's mag is of a rather majestic looking library building in Manchester, I know little of it.  It has, however, prompted me to write a little verse or two about my own, down-sized local library.......

Lousy Little Library
You've rarely got it in for me
I waited long as long can be
For that book on fun poetry!

Lousy Little Library
I wanted that biography
All femme fatale debauchery 
To see how bad she'd really be... 

Lousy Little Library
I've been as patient as can be
When will my Michael Connelly 
Be ready to pick up for me?

Lousy Little Library
On Saturday's you close at THREE?!
That's one I never did forsee
Lumbering books on my shopping spree!

Lousy Little Library
The Heavens opened down on me 
Your doors slid open - welcomed thee
To shelter, warmth and even tea

Lousy Little Library
I've judged you rather brutally
Will words and pictures pardon me?
You're worth your little joining fee.........

                                   (my actual LLL)

February 01, 2013

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of Piss

I often get 'warnings' incorporated into my dreams.  If thirsty while asleep, I can find myself drinking water from various places. Simple ones may be at the sink from a running tap, or from a jug of never ending fruit juice in the garden where I just keep glugging away! The worst by my thirst saw me on my knees cupping my hands and drinking from the toilet bowl...!!  Now - I know dreams are mostly made up from the mind challenging itself to recall past events and activities, so I'm hoping that my brain isn't simply regressing back to that blur of a festival in 97' and that little B&B in Kinross.

 I also get dreams if I'm needing the loo (No:s 1&2), and before long I have to attend to myself as the feeling won't budge!!   Indigestion, tummy ache, dead legs, stiff necks etc, have all had some weird scenario's connected to them over the yearsOne of the worst, was when I was being embalmed while the bed sheets were simply caught around me.

 Apparently, I don't talk in my sleep, but I can laugh out loud, mildly murmur and do arm gymnastics.....and I think it's safe to say goosebumps and drool have made an appearance on everyone from time to time. Bad dreams are rare but I sure know when The Cheaper Half is having one as he whimpers, sweats, shakes and jerks all over the place. I reckon this is how he would look being tazered. 

 Of course, most dreams are just too complex to fathom out. We forget 90% of our dream within ten minutes of wakening - which is a bit of a disappointment in the sexuality side of things.  One minute Simon Baker could be snogging my face off and the next thing I'm woken up by a mighty fart of reality.  One the whole, though, I'd love to keep a dream diary to analyse these REM flit trips.....but on second thoughts, it sounds like it could be a bit of a nightmare.

Nighty Night......
DAILY RECORD article right HERE