The most trusted friend I had was you
solely hanging in the loo
Lighting up above the sink
framed in bright flamingo pink
Helped as I made up my face
a lipstick kiss I'd soon erase
Little Miss Perfect in reverse
winks and pouts we would rehearse
You saw my tears and shared my shame
agreed, I won't do that again!
Unladylike from pees to vomit
zooming out me like a comet!
Heard my secrets and my farts,
got zit-popping down to an art
I'd bounce about in naked pride
and sing most ghastly as I dried
Then came the thought to rearrange,
a few rooms - some domestic change
I fancied you out in the hall
t'was not a clever move at all
Looking pale and feeling shitty,
no longer sharing in my pity
Every time I went to tinkle
I never noticed that deep wrinkle!
I've never changed my diet of late
yet you indicate I've put on weight!
Beauty should come from within
but I'm worried by that double chin!
Does my dress cling on this tight?
I must have looked an awful sight!
My hair's not doing as it's told
all waves and knots and uncontrolled
My senses ask, is this a farse?
Just look at the size of that arse!
I should be gorgeous but can see,
you won't co-operate with me!
You're dull and hard and can't reflect
A two-faced friend with low respect
Back in the bathroom, so it seems
Or you'll find yourself in smithereens!
