Get To 'F'

Furry Friday.....This week's F-ing find!  How a banana left on my son's window's sill would eventually look....

(Don't) Roll Me Over, In The (Garlic) Clover

(This entry is dedicated to my hubby. A garlic fiend but he now only goes nuts with it a few times a year - or else!)

You know that I love you - well - most of the time
Though our interests differ from the weak to sublime
You put up with my shit, I put up with yours
Defended each other, slammed many a door

Both tried and both tested, a team set on high
Till the nightmare begins with one sniff and a sigh
You sneaked in the garlic - fume of a phantom
Twelve cloves up the arse of a poor little bantam!

The pull of the garlic, satisfyingly strong
Teasing you men with a passion forlorn
But who gives a hoot to the women immersed
Subjected to breathing in all that she cursed!

Over-dozed dinners that brought me to tears
Offensively falling out over the years
If I asked you to sleep in a room gunged with vomit
You'd be out of there, gone - shoot off like a comet!

The garlic, enticer, a cheap little whore
Her perfume soon raging from every pore
No cologne, scented candle, eau de from above
Takes away the full might of one single clove

It plummets my heart, puts my nostrils through sorrow
You swallowing roast cloves like there's no tomorrow
Hark! To the 'lic with it's Biblical mention
Can't believe this small culprit gets all that attention

Oh and, yes, I do know what 'medicinal' plus is
Quite frankly, I'm lost as to what all the fuss is!
I'll never consider it over it's station
I'll continue to manage (sniff) in moderation.

Look - it can fend off fierce vampires, banish bad luck
Be the best of the bestest, I don't give a puck
You're not sharing my bed, nor breathe in my room
For 48hrs - not a moment too soon......!!

Get To 'F'

 Each week I go on a cyber hunt to find a picture starting with/or under the category of the letter  'F'  so today is Fishbowl Friday and this rather old pic popped up again. Still makes me smile, though!

Shrove Blooded Tuesday

 This week's prompt conjured up pancakes via the fork and lemon and as Pancake Day is not long away either I felt it apt. The 'blood' inspired me to take this historic little trip................

Say nae to manners, a kingdom inquiet
Where the crux of the day seeks the thrill of the riot
Custom be tying a cock to the stake
Where they'd throw coksteles, hear their little bones break

Gave up on decent, to give up for Lent
Masses outwith Him, scathed and Hell-bent 
Shriller than birdsong, a whisper aloud
Whose piety slinks through the gaps in the crowd.

Loose tongues a lollop their sins from the pit
11a.m. sparked the start of the flit
A passionate penance, of shame and of brawn
24 hours later, vestige has all gone

Shroving on Tuesday till Ash taketh over
And sees home morality from the marauder
Keeping them fuelled on this moronic day 
Was the golden supply to this hungry soiree

Tossing them, flipping, the sizzle of butter
A mangle of taut tongues, so anxious to utter
No mercy given, no truth untold
What a tasty transgression for one to uphold

Parting Pieces / Jiggered Out

Choose and lift your sections
And keep them all in mind
Breath in the scene, serenity
Took care to leave behind

If partially they're missing
Slowly aiming to deplete
We'll take them with us everywhere
Secure while incomplete

Eventually we'll find us
Fitting in the scenery
For I cannot lay the biggest piece
Until you lay with me

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
                   Jigpaws


They rattled and fell, in a shower of curves
Little hands spread the pieces in vivacious verve
Helping my niece ('til her parents were back)
Build a huge cardboard jigsaw, of mare pulling cart.

First, found the edges (and corners of course)
To encircle the beautiful, white shire horse
Gathering colours that probably matched
Pray with a thump that the piece would attach!

Building and building, not getting too far
Come out, you white beauty, where ever you are!!
'Won't let this beat us, we'll get there perforce!!
Despite just connecting the ass of the horse!

Pulling my hair out, quite near to crying
Why were the bloody blue bits not complying..?!
How hard was it really, to join up a colour
Exactly the same as they are to each other..!!

Slowly - then quickly the image appeared
Relief, pride, exhaustion, a victory cheer!
The picture was ten times the size of the lid
Could not wait to show off the jiggy we did!

Then in trots big Bud, comes a-crossing the floor
Old paws dislodging the bits from the core
Sits on it, drools, a huge swish of the tail
Bits flying all roads - there goes our travail!


I'll never do jigsaws again in a hurry
Bring me out in rash, get me all hot and surly
And I'm just watching Bud as he playfully frolics
I was so close to hanging that dog by the bollocks!

Drip, Drip, Drop / Much Too Tasty

                                                (based on a true pair of eyes)


You wiped them away many times
Those little diamonds
You said they were sweet
Though they tasted of salt

Drops ran and moved you
Diamonds of water
Salty and flowing unashamed
You'd kiss them away

One day you caused them
Not through joy
You threw me a tissue
Where the salt crystals dried

I looked at you
Hands remaining in pockets
Now the feeling was sour
Salt was sweet no more

Hurt is a mighty force
She's always there to create a sparkle
Water and salt with no grains
Yet still stings the eye.

                           ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

        Much Too Tasty!

Too much salt is on those chips
Will give you cracked and dried up lips!
Make you drink a ton of water
In moderation is how you oughta

Shake that cellar in you hand
How can I make you understand...?
It's not too healthy but tastes nice
Oh, won't you take my rude advice!!

You need your kidneys working fine
On dialysis you'll spend your time!
Just cut down, gradual, bit by bit
It's best to calm this salty hit!

Too much salt is on those chips
Will give you dry and scraggy lips
So if it shows upon your face
Why let your insides go to waste...?!

Fabulous prompt! Last piece in memory of my bossy old gran to my oldest brother.......

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PRETTYBOY!

His wonderfully-handsome-gorgeousness is 22 today. My Valentine baba. Words can't begin to describe how proud we are, and untidy you are.  But I forgive the trail of beauty products, uni papers, bottle tops and clothes you leave behind you. You far make it up in other ways. Heart of gold, but still on the stingy side. Look out for your siblings. NEVER forget my birthday (coz your dad won''t let you). Have more friends than I do hair follicles - (I've seen today's Facebook....!!). The list could go on........

Born on Valentines Day - exactly when you were due. So very apt, too, with your pretty-boy features and vast female attention (especially the ones that came to the door at 3 in the morning coz they were 'missing you'). You stayed true to your desire to pursue a musical career. Since you were 12 you always said you'd be the drummer in a band. And you have twice - with The Valentines - where you won the prestigious Battle Of The Bands title and had 2 songs added to the Stirling Rocks album. And then on to Casino - where the talent, songwriting and passion is taking off. I predict big things for this band, with music this good it would be a crying shame otherwise. But you guys are playing it cool and even so, local radio have taken an interest.

There's not much I'm not proud of. You are a decent lad, working hard for his future. That really is all any mum could ask for. But I'm privileged with so many added bonuses. So I'm leaving this song you wrote, about your first love. Lynette. My favourite Casino song. I'll give them a second listen and they'll be hooked!

The Janitor's House

      I've really enjoyed this week's prompt. I was taken back to primary school, so it has a kiddykins feel to it.  The poem is based on a real character. Mr.Chapburn.


It stood there on it's ownsome
A box-like little thing
On the outskirts of the school
The heart of Elspbeth Wing

Forever at  a window
Straining at each noise
Making sure the girls are all
Respected by the boys

Checking out the lavvies
Drying up the floors
Sweeping leaves, come rain come shine
Closing all the doors.

His tool bag at the ready
Such a range of metal goods
Would curse at rude graffiti
Paint it over, plane the wood!

He'd help the nurse with noses
Empty sick bowls out
Get to you in 0.2
If you let out a shout

Shoo away the loose dogs
In case they dropped their ends
And nipped an ear to make sure they
Won't piddle there again

Checked out names and I D
After visitors had said it
Would look you scornfully up and down
Till happy with your credit.

In summer grass was tidy
No shoot bigger than an inch
The football parks, had perfect marks
Nets fitting at a pinch

In winter snow would never
Keep away His girls and boys
Repair the grounds and aftermath
The snow storm near destroyed

His school was his almighty
The pride of Elspbeth Wing
His chest would puff when hearing
All his little angels sing.

He lived alone and loved it
In his sole, full company
The perfect job, no nagging wife
In single husbandry!

                             *************************************

Mandy skipped along with mum
The silly little soul
Slid on her back and heard a crack
There goes the cooking bowl!

The curtains parted quickly
Looking from an upper pane
Was relieved to see her mother
Coming quickly to her gain

'Who's that..?" young Mandy asked her mum
Pointing to the curtain
Mandy watched as tidily
He tucked his baggy shirt in

'Oh, no one love, not any more
The janitor's now dead
Got killed when a huge lorry-load
Of books fell on his head'.

But up got little Mandy
Smiled -  inside he felt a warming
He waved, then turned and so prepared
To start his Monday morning

Cobblebrae Crescent

                                (based on a true street!)



Sane were the tenants of Cobblebrae Crescent
Twisted and dippy but mostly all pleasant

Gippo - his caravan out on the lawn
Jackie - quite slutty, no ladylike charm
Were considered a couple but oceans apart
She'd shout nasties at him, near breaking his heart
Hanging around him till he'd right her wrongs
Ripping his soul to the words of a song
Gippo held tightly, a motionless past
Loving her more with each insult that lashed.

Alison Done things in orderly fashion
Lill gave her class an enormous tongue lashing
Our Miss and her mother, a hard path to tread
Keeping one from the other in honour and stead
Ali was bare, a father was driven
What precious he tried, would not be forgiven
All she had left was the sting of her belt
Embittered and broken, so young skin would welt

My auntie and uncle lived there with their daughter
All fleeting and diving - was quite hard to spot her
I was scared of their stairwell, the blue light that flickers
And hated the dog with it's nose near my knickers!
Auntie was lazy and tried to stay young
But the harsh light of day hit the mirror that stung
Always a welcome though manners were loose
Came away on a high, due to sugar abuse.


Maizie and Albert, were the oldest of tenants 
Always had faith and a heart full of penance
The nets on her windows were brilliantly white
Repetitive chores lasted into the night
She'd struggle at times to keep herself steady
With mints there to freshen her breath at the ready.
The cross on her wall was a permanant fixture
Too much rum ended in her baking mixture.


My beautiful William - those baby blue eyes
Never knew how I loved him and tumbled inside
I'd scrap with the big boys - on his team I'd win
Was heart-bloody-broken, he dated my twin
I was the tomboy, she was the floss
Softly and often she'd gather the moss
Always told mum, that she'd 'fell down that hill'.
Though I tried and I tried to do that at Will


Roberto, Italian, 5 kids but no wife
Snuffed out in an accident learning to drive
He married again, a young slip of a thing
Though she had to leave school before wearing his ring.
She bore him more children, a daughter and son
Left him soon after, he'd baked his last bun
Shot off for a future, a youth that was wild
And continued to sleep with her oldest stepchild 


The house on the edge with the very low roof
Belonged to old Tom (88% proof) 
Lollipop man for the primary school
They all called him 'Grampa' , thought he was quite cool
Little did they know when crossing the road
He was squiffed when performing the Pelican Code
But 4 on the dot, when the kids were all gone
It was 'changed, pub then bookies' to put a bet on.


Tessie was timid, a keen hideaway 
Would peek through her blinds each and every day
How she would love to just breathe outside air
Without those mad heartbeats resurficing fear
Relying on others, a constant routine
Oh, what she'd give to be comfortably seen
She knew that in life the next door she'd go through
Is the one that death brings, in that definite queue


So there, on the cobbles, the glass and the bricks
Dwells a manic infusion of healthy and sick
Some stories would floor you as you take your walk
If Cobblebrae Crescent's bricks started to talk.

I.V.F. ing Good Luck, Baby......

My baby girl goes for fertility treatment soon. It's getting to the stage where every little baba I see, I picture myself and daughter mugging the pusher. Not that I'd give her much of a chance to shove the thing, for I know I be a selfish grandparent. When the most important female in your life lives 500 miles away, it's hard. And when this little mite eventually comes along, the pull will be harder. So I have to make the most of what ever time we find.  I can just picture that little face, a girl with golden red hair. Okay - the colour and fullness of mine - because it's my crowning glory and it would be our own special reminder of each other, our absent bond. Of course, they want a boy first, then the girl but I'm thinking that fertility treatment often results in multiple births, so mother nature dissing them this long just might make up for it!


My daughter, Kerri, is 29, and has polycystic ovaries. Her husband, James, had a testicle removed at a very young 26, through cancer. The irony is that they would make fabulous parents. Fun, laughter, security, love, and every other recipe in the raising-agent book. The pair of them have commited themselves to every bit of medical advice - which included giving up smoking - in preparation for the treatment.

Kek is the most genuine person I know. The first to help family or friends if she can - physically, emotionally and pecuniarily. I'm forever getting on to her for drinking and dialing. Lord knows how many charity sponsors and monthly donations come out of her wages! I know donkeys, African children, NSPCC and her beloved penguins all benefit!  She has letters after her name, all the latest gadgets, cars, and a beautiful home, but makes no great deal of it. Still she shops in Matalan and Primark. Still she collects Tesco club card points and cosies under duvets in front of her telly in winter.

I rarely pray but I will, and cross fingers, toes and any other part of me that's willing (or now able ) that she and I will be pushing a pram singing Ali Bali Bee in the near future. I'll leave you with my favourite picture of her from her wedding album.  Nae airs and graces when a hert beats true.

Little Miss Run Around

I use to love writing and reading out short stories for children when I was a helper in my sons' primary school years. This is my first story as I usually try verse here.  Now, I'm a bit rusty, but how to incorporate a huge sign and winter weather I was almost at a loss until I came up with this guff. Suffer little children......!
 
Clue nine at last! In the shed he found it and started to tear it open. His eyes kept watch of a meddlesome spider. What right had it living in winter? He was convinced it was nodding a warning antennae at him. Usually he would just stomp on creepy-crawlies, pelt at it before it got any closer,  but since falling in love with Ellie, he made a firm vow to her that he wouldn't kill any of natures' creatures.  It wasn't good for karma (whom ever that is!) but he pledged his 'Lovehearts Allegiance' (especially the violet ones) nonetheless.   So he let the thing torment him for just a bit longer.

It was Ellie's birthday today. That was her into double figures now. To make the day more special she was in hiding and Hugh was to seek her out. She'd set up a bundle of clues and all he had to do was follow them rigidly. It only took 10 mins so far, to fathom out the rhymes. His reward, apart from a fab day out tomorrow, would be a kiss. On the mouth this time.  His heart truly was hers. Quickly, he pulled out the clue. Each task had proved a little harder. But he'd now reached the penultimate clue! In a few minutes he'd taste those candy-floss lips. All soft and pouty.  It was only this clue away, and read out loud:

                                All you have to do now,
                                Is to make good of your senses
                                The last clue, points you straight to me
                                Around the roadside fences.


At that point Ellie's father appeared. Near gave Hugh the fright of his life, popping up over a pile of old boxes!

" Ah, lad...!" he sighed. "You've made it this far!. Well done!"

"Is anything wrong....?" Hugh panicked a bit. Mr Higgins was a loud kind of man, a voice for discipline he rarely used. Very dramatic in his ways.

"No, no, no.....well......ah,...as you know, Ellie likes a bit of a fuss, used to getting her own way - worse since her mother died - all I wanted to do was give you a 'help' regarding this final clue........"

"No, no. You mustn't. It has to be all down to me. They have led me this far, and the last clue I have right in my hands. I take it you know where she is..?

"Of course, but......"

"Then make your way towards her. I'll find her soon enough......You do know I love your daughter very much?"

"I know lad"  Mr.Higgins nodded his head, unconvincingly. This time next month she will be tormenting some other boy, flaunting her beauty and wealth at him and he will be the next cinder that outs as a new flame begins.  "All I will say is, remember how ostentatious she can be.....how she thrives on shock!  How the little madam loves a showstopper!!!"

Hugh gulped, as the man became rather distraught.  Reckoned it couldn't be easy bringing up a daughter on his own.

" Right then, lad. See you shortly, very shortly, if you follow my guide."  He tapped the side of his nose.

              *                               *                           *                           *

 The following day, Ellie sat across from Hugh, swinging her legs nonchalantly under the table while Mr.Higgins carried the tray of food over.

"Didn't you even once question what the giant, lit up arrow was all about...?" he asked Hugh.

"I did wonder a bit as I've seen daft birthday banners and things by busy roadsigns but that's usually for older people.  Thought it had been dumped. Left over Christmas banner or something. I was concentrating more on the clue to be honest"

"And I was behind that sign, too! "Ellie reminded him for the umpteenth ."All I wanted you to do was find me and get a snap of us together before our day out!  To show you how clever I was. How hard was that..?

"In all fairness, Ellie, " her father said, Hugh did wait on the hill with the toboggans for over an hour before you eventually thought he might be there........and the police weren't too happy, either....huge road signs included. Bad idea, bad idea."

'Ahhh, don't worry, dad. Next year I'll see in my birthday on the Eiffel Tower or similar. Not even you could botch this one up, Hugh....you know, one foot in front of the other in the right direction.!"

                                   *                                      *                                             *
Dropping Hugh off, he handed Ellie yesterday's birthday card..."You may as well still have it, he traveled a fair bit to get to you.....Thanks for the meal Mr.Higgins."

At home Ellie bounced on her over-sized chair then stopped to open her card, instantly letting out hysterical screams.  "In the card, in the card.......!!"

Mr.Higgins ran through. Picking it up, he tentatively opened the card and read:

                           I so enjoyed the birthday girl
                          A great idea to hide her....
                          So  I send this card
                          In great regard......
                         Love, Hugh and Squish the spider.

Trying to stifle the giggles , Mr Higgins, asked rather squeakily, as he viewed the spiders remains.... "I take it the romance is off, then?"

Millicent Moves / Arsenic and Old Faces

Little Milly Mundy
Was the one who trailed behind
With teeny steps, away she'd fret
In her hurried little mind.

A crisp and gentle morning
She'd round up the other maids
A venture out, just round about
In coat and boots of suede

Minute Milly Mundy
Loved out walking to and fro
The swish and flail of her petticoat tail
Left no markings in the snow.

Her breath released no vapour
As she coldly marched along
Although she'd shout, her heart all-out
They still would hurry on

Itsy Millie Mundy
Caught up with the girls in time
Where they'd lay a bloom, with sweet perfume
On the pave with gentle rhyme

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Arsenic and Old Faces.....

They whooped it up most evenings
Took laudanum and ale
Their dome-like dresses drawn in tight
By baleens of a whale

In gaslight they embraced the streets
Inflicted, hardened faces
With porous noses throbbing
Such feminine disgraces

Preached and thumped the Bible
Though regardless to The Word
Would slug you if the slightest
 Epithet was ever heard.

They smelled of parma violets
More sudorific under clothes
Entertained a gentleman
For just one whiskey rose.

Meddlesome and nippy
The morals of a rat
Would smile and dip your pockets
As you politely tilt your hat

Oh, what a clever trio
Victory set apart
Arsenic, lace, and wrinkly face
Experts of their art  

My Father's Ears

This Week's Magpie Tale is in honour of my dad, a musical genius!  He could play ANY instrument by ear and was often asked by schools and local organisations to play piano for them. I thought he had magic.He also had the voice of an angel - despite his 40 Woodbine a day and beef dripping lifestyle. Miss you dad...!

A symphony-of-ages
Was my father to the earth
A music maestr-au natural
From the moment of his birth

He'd feel a certain melody
Pitch perfect, lingered notes
Voice carried on by  placid waves
Some words in double quotes

Music was his passion,
His biggest will to live
If nothing else was there to take
It was always there to give

I remember all the instruments
Even tiny ones he blew
If music be the food of love
I was nourished through and through

I still can hear him playing
Although he isn't  there
Passed on through genes, to tots and teens
Till grey streaks wisp our hair

Any type of music
Most, he very much approved
He was open to all genres
Left us happy, special, moved.

Now you're with 'The Big Man'.
I bet you've sussed those harps
Coz you never understood those books
Of majors, minors, sharps.

You see, he never had a teacher
Nor read a music sheet
Just listened so intently
Captured every single beat.

All it took was seconds
For him to fathom out
What instruments were made to do
No need to write about.

The above picture is of my father and his other musical compatriots during the war. Keeping the spirits of many alive with a tune or two. He's on guitar.......

11-Up.

 My stars say that 2011 is going to be a successful year for me in both monetary and lucky in love measures, but I'm just glad that everything is back to abnormal. I feel safer that way..........!

Banged Up To Rights....!

Tonight and on Thursday night, my youngest son's band NO NEED FOR IDOLS will be gigging in a woman's jail.  Cornton Vale in Stirling is one of the most 'famous' jails for birds in Scotland.  It has been under public scrutiny many a time, as well as the subject of several television programmes. For what it's worth, the officers and staff work exceptionally hard to rehabilitate. Drug abuse and it's actions is the main cause for conviction there. Of course there are lots of re-offenders.

One of the band's father's is a warder in various correction centers and arranged the gig.  The guys are quite excited about it, and it has boosted interest in their band already. Even bad girls are allowed to appreciate great music. Tonight it's the young offenders that they play for - Thursday it's the 'women'. That should make for an interesting night. Oh, there are so many apt songs that they could have covered but I'll leave that for my Nippy Side.  This is a gesture of goodwill.  Peace on earth and mercy mild. Here's hoping that they keep that in mind while the boy's play (as usual) their finishing song called Walk Away which sadly, is not so easy for some.  Merry Christmas.

Find more artists like No Need for Idols at Myspace Music

Midnight Mass, Beautiful Glass

A believer I was never
An acquaintance I was not
Yet, I sat upon a bench beam
In the same, familiar spot.

I listened to the pastor
From the pulpit looking down
Blessing all attending
From this lax and wayward town.

Soon, little eyes were drooping
Older ones were, too.
The choir it lulled its festive tones
In hearts, the warmth it grew.

Midnight Mass was comfort
Adjoining of the creeds
As neighbours, friends and enemies
Render worthy deeds.

Oddly, every single year
As the aisles started to fill
I'd find myself next to you
The Mother of good will

Stained glass aglow with colour
A mother with her son
Aura's just a wisp of light
Christmas has begun.

A prism's beam it rested
Upon my very sleeve
Spectra seeping through the dank to
Temporarily reprieve.

My Christmas day has started
Sleep it will evade
Colours spoke a million words
Exactly as you said.

See?! - Told You He Was Real.....!!

This is my utmost, bestest Christmas photograph.  It shows GingerNut (who's not long  turned 3 in the pic) about to greet Santa.  The big fella has just called out Adam's name to receive his pressie from the nursery.  The wonderment just oozes from that tot expression and the innocence making his little fingers twist awkwardly at his sides.  Could belief be any more apparent?

We still have the present - a jigsaw road track with wind-up car, ambulance and police vehicle - and it won't be GingerNut's again until  he father's his own little one - in perfect working order. Here's hoping he hasn't any lasting memories of that duck shirt and corduroy trousers he was togged in to meet 'ole Santa....!

When - The But and Ben

In winter there's a place we go
Forever's Promise made
If the cottage step lay fresh with snow
We keep to what we said.

Snow, in all it's glory
Respecter not of depth
Starts it's own short story
Oh, what secret  it's walls  kept

The But 'n' Ben, in our special glen.
Lets crystal white pervade
Creeps across the mist and fog
To encumber in the glade

Our home, our hearts, where love departs
From spouses we withhold
They taste like winter anyway
Culling in the cold

Our place, our tryst, conjugal heist
A winter hide-away
Heart that bleeds like a divorcee's
Let time wile guilt away

So, now and then, and once again
Suffuse in sparkling whites
The cords of sin, that holds within
Thaws out the wicked nights

I pray for you, I pray for me, I pray for winter's nights
And stellar plates, bullet rose and simple stalagmites.......