March 09, 2011

(Don't) Roll Me Over, In The (Garlic) Clover

(This entry is dedicated to my hubby. A garlic fiend but he now only goes nuts with it a few times a year - or else!)

You know that I love you - well - most of the time
Though our interests differ from the weak to sublime
You put up with my shit, I put up with yours
Defended each other, slammed many a door

Both tried and both tested, a team set on high
Till the nightmare begins with one sniff and a sigh
You sneaked in the garlic - fume of a phantom
Twelve cloves up the arse of a poor little bantam!

The pull of the garlic, satisfyingly strong
Teasing you men with a passion forlorn
But who gives a hoot to the women immersed
Subjected to breathing in all that she cursed!

Over-dozed dinners that brought me to tears
Offensively falling out over the years
If I asked you to sleep in a room gunged with vomit
You'd be out of there, gone - shoot off like a comet!

The garlic, enticer, a cheap little whore
Her perfume soon raging from every pore
No cologne, scented candle, eau de from above
Takes away the full might of one single clove

It plummets my heart, puts my nostrils through sorrow
You swallowing roast cloves like there's no tomorrow
Hark! To the 'lic with it's Biblical mention
Can't believe this small culprit gets all that attention

Oh and, yes, I do know what 'medicinal' plus is
Quite frankly, I'm lost as to what all the fuss is!
I'll never consider it over it's station
I'll continue to manage (sniff) in moderation.

Look - it can fend off fierce vampires, banish bad luck
Be the best of the bestest, I don't give a puck
You're not sharing my bed, nor breathe in my room
For 48hrs - not a moment too soon......!!

9 comments:

Emily Young said...

Very fun! And sadly true too. As good as garlic tastes, it can sure "plummet my heart, put my nostrils through sorrow."

Doctor FTSE said...

Well held rhymes. And that's a helluva way to describe garlic chicken!

Tess Kincaid said...

Love the perfectly timed "sniff".

Lolamouse said...

I'm with you on this one, girl! When we were dating, my husband-to-be made me dinner and sneaked garlic powder (even worse!) into the sauce (I had told him that it made me sick), and I got violently ill! He learned right quick never to do that again!

Trellissimo said...

I'll never consider it over it's station
I'll continue to manage (sniff) in moderation.

Rhymed to perfection... same way, no doubt, as the chicken was roasted!

Lucy Westenra said...

This deserves more comments than it has (so far) received. Very enjoyable read. Quietly sardonic.

Kathe W. said...

hah! you and I were on the same page of the cookbook! well done...no pun intended!

Helen said...

Lena, Lena ... this is wonderful!

Lena said...

Thank you. Just the plain smelly truth.......!