Everything Will Flow

    start of EVERYTHING  WILL  FLOW

  

🚢The car slid into the parking bay facing the river. Neil was blinded by the dancing sparkles the early morning sunshine threw across the water and swiped down his driving visor.  Saskia sat nervously awaiting Beverly, while he sat quite unperturbed, delving into a triple pack BLT, using the case full of money on his lap, serving as a makeshift table. This was the first time since the hostile hospital visit three months prior that she would be meeting her, but her mind was removed from it for a spell as a swan with five cygnets came gliding into view - quite the early morning spectacle.

   'Awe, look,' she cooed, 'they're adorable!' On impulse, she reached over and grabbed Neil's sandwich pack, removing one, at which he instantly made protest.

   'Oi! ... What are you doing? That's my breakfast!'
   'There's three of them, don't be so greedy, you've still got one left!' she told him, getting out of the car and heading for the fluffy family.
   'They're bloody swans, they don't eat bacon!'
   Ignoring his dissent, she delighted in breaking the bread, filling and all, and very bravely let them get close enough to take food from her fingers.  Glancing at Neil (feeling his own inner 'aww' at the tenderness of it) while doing so, she wasn't aware that a small group of geese had sneaked up behind her until one of them honked.  As if taken offence that all the bread had gone to a rival bunch of freeloaders, one started to peck at her leg. Wearing bibbed short dungarees, she felt the contact of its beak against her bared skin - which was really more frightening that painful. But he took great pleasure in watching her do frantic dodges as she tried to escape the feathery onslaught, until movement in his rear-view mirror caught his eye. Beverly pulled up, bang on time.

   'Saskia,' he called, before she exited her car. 'She's here.'
   Neil got out of his, keeping the door open. Placing the crumb-topped briefcase on his seat, he watched as Beverly faffed about. Putting on huge sunglasses, (to hide behind no doubt) she waited until Saskia had joined Neil. Tentatively, Beverly got out and made her way over to them. 

   'Hi.' Saskia smiled, no reference to 'mum' followed. That felt more unnatural to her now than when she was calling Neil 'dad'. Of course, now there was no extrinsic reason to ever use the words mum or dad again.  'Are you all prepared to go?'

   Beverly, wearing a fitting summery outfit, gave her a curt nod and a little smile. 'Just a few ends to tie up, you know.'

   'When do you fly out?'

   'This Thursday. The sale of the house went through virtually straight away, quite a bit over the asking price, too.'

   Not having taken his eyes off her, Neil, still embittered from their clash in hospital, answered,            'We know.'
   Hissing out a sigh, Beverly's look dropped to her new wedged sandals, nodding with fresh realism. Lifting her head quickly back up, she said, 

     'Of course. You bought it.'

 Clicking on, but feeling foolish for not having twigged that no-one in their right mind should be that keen to want to move and settle in the area she'd despised for so many years - at extra expense, too; she'd simply regarded it as luck. She also knew it was a clever move on Neil's part; for whatever the future held, Saskia would have something secure to fall back on.The quick purchase also reflected their eagerness to get Beverly out of their lives as soon as possible.

   Neil hauled the fairly weighty case from the car seat and held it out. 'You'll be wanting this.'                   Holding the case at arms length, Neil stood rigid (apart from a slightly shaky right arm taking the burden) he made her approach him to take it. How he wished she wasn't wearing those damned shades, as he would have liked to have looked her in the eye while doing so.

    'My father's debt, paid in full... and then some.'  Maybe now she now she would end that silent, entitled war within her mind.

   She reached for it with somewhat implied acceptance, and walked back to her car, tucking it right under the passenger seat out of view. Not a word of thanks slipped from her lips, nor did the need to check the amount. It would all be there, that she was sure off. Quid pro quo.

   Despite what had passed, Saskia felt rather torn at the thought of Beverly leaving, and she couldn't say for sure if this would be the last they'd ever see each other.  Over the past few months Saskia had been building barricades rather than bridges with her, had even forgiven her for the frantic beating she endured at Christmas. Saskia was almost thirty, so had been out of sync with life's timeline by still being at home with a parent. Granted, shacked up with a middle-aged, age-torn multi-millionaire was never in either of their future predictions, but it was the best meantime road for her to walk down - despite that road being somewhere she should never have agreed to walk down to start with. Cheating death, however,  had put a peculiar spin on perspectives.

    Kudos to the steely, self absorbed Beverly for such a masterful and complex plan, and allowing nothing to deflect her from her later life's goal. What was meant to fall into a favourable situation for herself, went on to enrich itself at the expense of others. It was almost a ruinous outcome for them all.

   Beverly walked halfway back over to Saskia and stopped, and sat her glasses on her head. 'Can I have a hug?'

   'Oh my fucking God!' Neil said, his hands on his hips in disbelief at the nerve of her.

   'I'm not talking to you,' Beverly snipped back at him, 'I'm talking to my... '

   'Yes, go on...  exactly who are you talking to? One can never be sure around you!'

   'Well, it's not your daughter anymore either now, is it?'

   Saskia quickly turned to face Neil, holding up a hand to silence him, and silently mouthed that she was okay.
   'Of course you can get a hug.'  

   Grasping tightly, both with eyes closed, a sudden flush of genuine sorrow consumed Saskia.  No matter how mad life had become, Beverly did her best to raise her. Taking on her reckless sister's kid, instead of the adoption option, was noble enough, but not plain sailing.  This surrogate mum had been a difficult person to live with and it was pretty clear to Saskia why partners didn't stick around for long.  At times she was blamed as the reason why, and that's rather damaging to a child. Saskia would not forget the good times, they were aplenty - even as the hormonal years kicked in. It was just after her Grampa's death that things went completely haywire.  The mothering past would remain in both their minds. In flashes and in depth. Favourable or not.

  Beverly let go first, holding Saskia by the shoulders and with watery eyes asked, 'Are you sure you won't come, too?' She gave Neil a quick glance. 'It's not too late.' 
   Saskia responded by shaking her head slowly, and smiling sheepishly, knowing that all it will take is one Spanish cocktail, and a wink from a waiter, and Beverly's guilt and the past will be swirled away with the ice.  

   Beverly nodded. 'Well, there will always be a place for you in Spain if you ever change your mind.' One finger stroked down the soft cheek of a face she'd kissed and cursed a million times, then headed back to her car.  Before getting in, she dropped the glasses down her nose and called, 'Any message for your... mum?'            

   'Yeah,' she called back, 'tell her her little reject's doing okay.' 

   With a one sided corner smile, she gave a final nod to her one-time daughter, but repudiated the first love of her life completely. As far as she was concerned that case full of money held all her rightly goodbye's from him, there was no need to look his way.  Saskia watched and waved as she drove off and Beverly lifted a hand once in exchange and appeared to wipe away a tear; crocodile or true salt, one would never know. 

   Neil went straight over to Saskia and hugged her protectively against him, kissing and smelling her strawberry-shampooed hair. 'Okay?' he asked her.

   'Yup,' she answered, but he wasn't convinced.

   'Are you sure?'

   'Yeah, well, it does feel a little strange knowing I might never see her again.'

   'I don't think it'll be forever, although I reckon she and I are done with each other now. She'll want to meet you again at some point, Saskia, but you need a loooong break from her.'

   A tighter snuggle into him was felt before she told him, 'I'm sorry she had a dig about the whole daughter thing. That wasn't called for.'

   'Hey, we know only too well what she's capable of. Being nasty might make her feel better, but it won't heal her - it'll only make her cesspit all the more putrid. She'll always be swimming in it but you managed to pull yourself out, you got to give yourself credit for that.'

   'Nicely put!' Saskia looked up to give him a smile, before resting against his chest again. 'I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for it, though.'

   'Look...  having a daughter, even briefly, gave me something I may well never have known. It was short and sweet, but it's over now, and you know you're forgiven.'

   And she was. Countless times he'd reminded her that she'd really only been a pawn in Beverly's needless game of greed and revenge. But it was over now, and for all the craziness they'd endured it had ultimately brought them together. He never imagined for one second how such a fucked-up encounter would not only change his life, but create an entirely new one. If he was honest enough, she'd brought him to back to tasting bits of life before big money kicked in. With her in it, the future now would categorically refuse to ever go to plan, and the challenge of that alone continued to excite him. 

   'All credit to you, kiddo,' he added, admiringly, 'you handled her more decently than she deserved.'

   'I just wanted it to be as easy a goodbye as possible.'

   'Even after all she's said and done? Hell, I struggled for control.'

   'She didn't quite rip our lives apart, though, did she?'

   'No,' Neil let out a huge thankful sigh, and rested his chin on her head, 'she didn't. So, do you think you'll ever be able to wipe the slate clean with her?'

   'I've got to, it's only fair to give forgiveness a chance.'

   'D'you think?' 

   'Yes.'

   'Won't you find that a bit hard?'

   'No.'

   'Why?'

   She pulled back to look at him. 'Because you gave me one... didn't you?' 

   On tiptoes, she reached up to kiss him, to which he duly reciprocated, long and lingering. A public display that could incite either approval (coz he's an old guy) or offence (coz he's an old guy) from the growing morning walkers to the park, but Neil now felt an attitude of who-gives-a-damn as second nature. In fact, he quite enjoyed the objectionable stares when they got cozy in public - especially the ones that read that such passion has no business being there. Stuff society and decorum and its ruddy infra digs. They'd been through enough emotional acrobatics to last a lifetime - and with life in its latter stage, he didn't care if it's remainder was wholesome or not. Now was their time, and the sun over the waters of the Mediterranean would surely set into serenity, erasing all recent horrors and producing yet-to-discover worldly delights.       

                   *                                            *                                     *                                 *
Their cases and trunks were packed and loaded on board. Saskia had never before found herself staring up at such a massive hunk of iron. Neil's own private, lesser-chunk-of-iron that upped and downed the Thames was impressive in it's own right, but this was scarily breathtaking; it was hard to comprehend how water kept such things afloat. Neil adored the look on her face as she gathered her bearings. This cruise ship was astounding in its scale, the gangway itself seemed to go on forever, and there would be even more extensive jaw-dropping to do once on board.

      The door to their room read: Sea Symphony, Regency Suite.  A young, rather handsome ship personnel member had shown them into the suite and was tipped generously. He had another look at the gorgeous Saskia on his way out while Neil read his mind, which highly likely amounted to; the lucky old bastard.  But she was oblivious to any fanciful thoughts as even by this early stage in their plans she had died and gone to this briny Heaven! 

They had a whole mid-ship apartment to themselves.  Every home requirement - above and beyond - was provided;  living room vast and leathery (each sofa twelve feet long) with a dining table for guests: mirrors, modern art and 60 inch plasma screens on the walls surrounding them as huge, unconventional, crown-of-thorns-like lighting hung above them. Fresh flowers adorned every room, including the marbled bathroom, which had brand new free gratis slippers and bathrobes. 

   It was strange for the two man bed sleeping quarters to be titled as such, as the bed could comfortably accommodate an orgy! On opening the wall enclosed cupboards, their clothes and shoes were already neatly hanging and paired off.  Each room she encountered was like the opening of an advent calendar door, as her inhales of surprise got louder.
  Back in the living area, Saskia assumed the long row of curtains was meant to block the left-hand view of the sea, just like the bedroom ones blocked the right. But she was mistaken. With a motion akin to unveiling a plaque, Neil pressed a button on the wall, and the curtain slid aside with barely a whisper. Behind it was a veranda meant for them alone; decked out with loungers and pretty-but-false window-boxed flowers along the railings.

  Here, they could look down on other passengers (them and one other pair who filled the only other luxury suite) and enjoy various amenities on this Lido deck, including their own pool and hot tub. There was only one other luxury suite that thankfully was on the opposite side - Saskia didn't fancy having neighbours alongside of them.

   Treading like there could be land mines underfoot, she stepped out on to the veranda gingerly, in total awe. She used to remark at how the rich must be exhausted from constantly having to outdo themselves, but right now was happy to feel like one of the aloof elite - bog standard hadn't a Buckley's on the this trip.

  She couldn't wait to be bathed in unfamiliar, afternoon sunlight, and letting its rays help the past vanish into obscurity.

   'Neil, this is amazing!' she sniffed. 'Never in my wildest dreams... '

   'Och, Jesus, woman, are you sniveling again? You should have come with a crying control, I've never been through as much Kleenex in all my puff... ' 

   'I know, I'm sorry... I sometimes still can't---'
   'Hey!' Neil cut in, before she added anything unworthy of herself.  'For what we've been through - especially you - we deserve this. so no more nonsense, okay?'

   Grabbing him in a semi-pathetic bear hug, resisting the itch to rub her nose on his shirt, she told him once again - not that she needed to - that she loved him. 'It's hard to believe we're actually here. 

   ' I know... and soon we'll be lost in the midst of the Mediterranean Sea... '

   'I meant where 'we' are.'

   'Well, when you think of it, I stopped being me, and you stopped being you, the day we became us. That's the best way I can describe it. We're heading on as the new us, okay, and all other past shit has to be washed away with the water, okay?'

   'Aye, aye, Captain... '

                                                                                *

They never really made a plan for their adventure, deciding to just take things as they came. Whatever  port the itinerary docked at, whatever sun kissed city lured them to it, they would gladly explore. Neil didn't think there was a scrap of culture about her at first, but she was keen to visit the renaissance churches and art galleries -so not quite so boring as he'd first feared when spending time as her father. As long as they go on a Gondola, buy an outfit from every country they visit and 'stop at any place where monkeys steal your bag and pull your hair', she'd be more than happy. 

   For now she was elated enough to not leave her veranda, and the boat hadn't even left the port yet!  Neil suggested an aperitif, food not really mattering right now. With room service or the dining hall virtually on tap (where patrons were asked to be clad in finery if dining after eight in the entertainment area), your tummy could rumble at all hours of the day - although Saskia wondered how the hell he was going survive for two months with nothing to cook! 

   Neil suggested a cocktail on the bow (which was fairly empty right now) to mark the start of their voyage.  The past year and a bit would be an aberrant memory for them both, where a plan had fallen through and succumbed to hard loss with magnanimity  But underneath all the potency and pretence that had passed, she had become his happiest regret since losing his wife. Magrette had felt the love of his life, Saskia, his flakey love-interest hereafter. For how many more years he didn't quite know. Her body would still be perky and firm in ten years' time, God knows what would be next to drop for him - or if he'd still even be around! But right now he didn't give a toss.

   Saskia sat at one of the bow's rinky-dink tables, excitedly awaiting that first cocktail kick as Neil sat a huge glass of something red, blue and green, (trussed up with all the usual umbrellas and whatnot) in front of her. They had changed into more summery gear; floaty dress for her, checked short-sleeved shirt and long shorts for him. Despite the sun hiding under a few grey clouds, the holiday had started. 

   While Saskia was getting a little intoxicant-verbose for him, she could tell he wasn't really listening to her inane drivel; instead, a stupid grin crossed his face.
   'Okay... what's up with you?' she asked with a huge frown.
   'Who do you think we should be on this trip?'
   'How d'you mean?' she asked, even more confused.
   He flitted a hand back and forth between them. 'You know - old guy, young thing, sharing the same room. We could have fun with this.'

   Then she clicked on, he meant like thrill and freedom to act accordingly as lovers despite the disparity of their ages. 

   'Ah, you mean like a teacher and pupil thing?'

   He leaned forward and mirrored her expression. 'Hmm, aye, sort of ...' 
   'Okay ... ah, priest and parishioner?' she tried.
   'Don't know much bible.'

   'Doctor and nurse?'

   'Nah, too common. Probably be loads on board.'

   'Doctor and patient, then?'

   He tutted. 'They wouldn't reveal that, would they?'

   'No, that's true, they'd probably just say they were married.'

   'Yup ... and where's the fun there?'

   'There ain't any!' she quipped, palms upwards, giving a shrug.

   'So?'

   Army Major and cadet?'
   'Getting better.'
   'Dinosaur and explorer?' 
   'Getting ridiculous!'
   'Yeah, you're probably right - we'd never be able pull something like that off.'
   'Hey!' He pointed a finger at her. 'Any more of that kinda talk and you're grounded, young lady!'
   'Tsk ... I'd like to see you try!' she joked.
   Under the table, Neil lifted his foot upon the front edge of her chair and gave a firm and solid push.  Saskia screamed as she toppled back, unsuccessfully trying to grab the table edge on her way down, legs akimbo, almost doing a backwards tumble. This caught the attention of a few others on deck, and it was politely supposed by them to have been a silly accident and not purposeful fun and vulgarity.            Rolling and pushing herself to her feet, she slid the table aside, making space to settle on Neil’s lap facing him. Looping her arms around his neck, she declared, “Sugar daddy it is, then!”          
    end of EVERYTHING  WILL  FLOW

  

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