Rust Or Bust....(and Kerri's A Must!)

It's such a wondrous feeling - holding baby to the breast.
Soothing and assuring, when the the little one protests.
Mother Nature visited and she bestowed on me
Two human-dairy hills of flesh, all filled-up for free!

The milk rushed through in mighty flow, my boobs a-heaving mounds!
Baby suckled happily - until one day I'd found....!
The liquid looked like milk-shake - a kind of peachy-pink
My God! My baby!?  What on earth - is this stuff safe to drink..?

So, I called my midwife right away, expressing sheer alarm
But she calmed me as I calmed my daughter, wriggling in my arms.
Just a case of rusty piping  (at the let-down reflex bit!)
It's a rare but safe occurrence (and I felt a proper tit!).

Alas, my baby settled and I had a little laugh
Decided I would treat myself and have a frothy bath!
But I heard a rattly, jutting sound a-coming from below.
The water? It refused to run and I sighed a huge "Oh, no!"

The piping it was rusted, the screw threads worn away
When the water ran, a shade of tan, it finished off my day!
I turned off the taps, and then I lapsed into some futile humming
What a day, I'd had enough -  of boobs and tricky plumbing!

To be a Magpie - click on the pic on my sidebar!
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Today, I received a letter from my wonderful, daughter Kerri (KrazyKek). Enclosed was a newsletter from her work, including an article she wrote on  invaluable Dental Nurses. She herself is an R.D.N. (state-registered) and a wonderful attribute to her profession.
     At 12, Kerri needed braces and the usual taunts were shouted her way from other children (as life goes). Jaws. Metal Mouth. Iron Maiden. That sort of thing. Thankfully, she's always had a great constitution and could tongue-whip them back with a vengeance. But the experience pretty much mapped out her future career. She vowed to be in dentistry somehow when she was older, mainly to support other children that needed braces, too! Nowadays it is quite hip to have braces and there are all types of gems that can be added to them for funky fun! Attitudes to dental work is changing. But she's right - we would all be stuffed without Kerri's.
    She doesn't like me bragging about her, but that's tough. Here's her picture and article: She's second from the left in the photo! Remember to click for the bigger pic!

In the past (over 10 years), I've tried to visit her surgery as much as possible, just to get a feel of her. I remember my first visit. There was an article up in frame in the waiting room from a woman who'd had cosmetic surgery and the results were amazing. She commended Kerri highly and I was proud to read those words. Kerri's responce? "All in a day's work, Mum!" Or, to her, no big deal, but I was sooooo proud.  I even needed her services first hand when I had some dental trouble on one of my visits! I tried to be brave for her sake and vice-versa but later we admitted we were both shitting ourselves. It was the first time she ever felt nervous with a patient.  Mummy's blood and pain, you see! Bless her!
              What I admire the most in her, is her ease and attitude, especially with children and old biddies.  If a kiddy is nervous or a bit overwhelmed, she'll get a glove and blow it up, pop the inflated fingers on top of her head and cluck like a chicken, or draw eyes either side and make it into a fish!  Nine times out of ten she gets a smile or giggle from them and it's not so bad.
         She's nicknamed 'Matron' from her dental partner, Andy. Runs a very tight ship and hates if temps move her stuff around. Kerri would lecture a kiddy on the dangers of too much sugar and quite happily pop a sweet in her mouth after saying bye bye, to them!  And I won't even begin to mention her addiction for Scottish tablet! But she's a Mental Dental nurse, with an abundance of knowledge and charm and I upload these little pics taken over the years, as a tribute to my daughter, Kek!

Love you, too, Kek....XxX....big heaps!

The Sparkler

The robbers got away with it, a load of household goods
And silver, diamonds, gems and things -like a proper burglar should.
It happened to my neighbours - (she's a stuck up ruddy mare)
They came home to an empty house - them things they weren't there!

It had only been the sixth time that they'd holidayed this year
Such a shame, an awful circumstance when life is so austere!
They'd usually ignore me or avoid my very stare,
It's horrid being invisible when indeed you're blummin' there.

But today they rushed to ring my bell, and asked me if I saw
Anyone?  I shook my head and gave a loud 'pshaw'.
Of course I said I didn't (and it was a true egad)
But the answer might have doubled if I hadn't or I had.

So the Boys in Blue came visiting, insurances were called.
A story plead and things were said (situation NOT forestalled?!)
Anyhow, it settled down, things smoothed out as they wanted,
And lived the life of well-to-do, and loudly - how they vaunted.

A few months passed, and then at last came lots of sunny rays
My garden slowly budding life, brightened up the days.
I found my can eventually, hidden in the rough.
And went inside to fill him up with water and feedstuff.

Then I heard a little rattling, a scrapey-scrappy sound
I tipped my can right upside down and gasped at what I'd found.
Diamonds of pure craftsmen's work, sunk in heavy, golden chains
Oh, how life throws out circumstance and strangely does pertain.

So knocking hard upon their door, I handed them a gift
And a touching little goodbye card obtained thanks to their grift.
Alas, I am a-moving on, I'd love to "stay and chat!"
But there's so much to do now my deposit's on that flat!

The Bedsit.

Little room with no view,  I occupy you,
you're filled with a comfort divine.
Lain curled in your bed, dreams spin in my head
while your duvet and my legs entwine.

Our space is so neat, compact and complete,
not much scope for the notions to fall.
Bed only just fits, lamp sullenly lit,
as my silouette creeps up the wall.

The windows lay bare, as I dwell in your care,
no drapes or shades cover the moon.
Just a cloud or the stars, through the parallel bars,
bless us our joyful attune.

Some would dismay at tonality greys
surrounding this truncated cone.
 No luster or lure or sheets haute couture
grands a place up to feel more like home.

With minimum space and the simplest of grace -
we crown the apartments beneath.
But I love my small home, it's where I belong
Who needs palaces or laurel wreaths?

  This poem was inspired by Willow's picture prompt at Magpie Tales.

Brass In Passing

Magpie # 23

Old apartments, faded walls
Toned down lights, as nights befall.

And through the day they pass you by
Brushed by coats but not the eye.
A cylindrical brassy chamber
To snuff out flames before the danger.

If they needed you at all
Would you slide easy from the wall?
Would you function as you should?
Before the flames engulfed the wood

Who has cared to go peruse
The embossed words for future use?
No-one has swabbed your cobs away
As spider's spin, where you've to spray.

Can they rely on  pure assumption
You'll take up your primal function?
So many who don't give a jot
If you work  - or you do not.

So many years of disregard
Some learn the burning lesson hard.
She'll visit you, the fire sprite
Seeking reasons to ignite.


Old apartments, faded walls
toned down lights, as nights befall.


This piece has been written by a Willowy prompt for we Magpiers:
http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

Sunkissed and Killed!

Magpie 22.......

You're growing so fast. I can't believe the changes in you. You're now mature enough to be tied against a pole, forced to stand straight and remain in this position until I decide what the next move will be. I'll not be around for hours at a time but I'll make sure you're secured under intense heat from the window panels.  I'll let the sun scorch skin until it glows red and the oppressive atmosphere of your dwelling snuffs out invading insects in minutes. Even in this heat I won't be giving you a drink until dusk. I will, however, feed you for they say sustenance is crucial to development. The healthier you are, the bigger joy I get when your time comes.  I may even slice a member of your family up before you, out of curiosity. What's one little sacrifice from an array of essences? Easy pickings.

I am a repeat offender. Every year this urge takes over me. My seed is scattered and the rewards are sweet. The glistening and perfect plumpness of your young skin, ripe for the taking and the basic taste sensation of your flesh can only lure me back time and again. I know you won't be here forever. And that's why every year I can't help but subjugate your future fruits, gird up your loins and keep a very close eye on you........................................

Nobody Nose But I......

Today, I am a moaning blogger.  For the first time in at least 10 years I have a rotten head cold.  Apparently, I sounded like a 'malfunctioning chainsaw' in an effort to breath through the night and if there's one thing I cannot stand (next to needing to vomit!) is a stuffy nose. I prefer my breaths to be alpine-tinged and pure but through the one nostril would have done!

               Anyhow, this week is a fairly important week. There are major plans in the making. On Friday my gorgeous daughter and her hubby arrive. Gingernut (the younger son) is headlining with his band No Need For Idols in Glasgow's Barrowland.  As yet, his big sister and hubby haven't heard them live, and this will be the first time Kerri and James will be faced with their masses of fans. I leave the floor after enough snapping suffices as the mid-floor, booze ridden lino takes on new dangers and in the mass hysteria there's no telling what could clunk you on the head - most likely a stray tambourine.  Roll on Friday........

              This Saturday, I am looking forward to a 25th Wedding Anniversary do.  My ex-sister-in-law has invited us all to their celebration. I managed to stayed married to her brother (who'll be there with his 3rd wife and family, too!) for 5 years, which was a huge achievement on our part, but we are still all drawn together via my darling daughter. I'll let you work it all out for yourselves for now as I'm due another sneeze. Roll on Saturday........

               This Sunday afternoon (before Kerri and James return to London) we are holding a garden-party celebration in honour of PrettyBoy for being awarded  H.N.D. (Higher National Diploma)  in Music and Sound Production. This has secured him his place in Glasgow Caledonian University.  His 'proper' graduation ceremony will not be until September in the Town Hall just before he and his mates start Uni.  They will be draped and photographed in the usual gear ect.  Anyhow - I did expect to have the garden decorations and posters finished and printed by now but I have just had a good old 'feeling sorry for myself', day today!

               One thing that I have decided on is what will be printed and pinned to the window. Now for those who are new to the blog, my oldest son, Ross, (PrettyBoy) is a good lad but extremely vain. Never passes a mirror or window without checking his hair ect.  So here's the picture I edited after scrawling hundreds of them to find him in a drink-induced dafty look. Roll on Sunday........

......checking himself in the mirror for the 50th time!

His 'graduation' pic.............that's my clever, funny and mental boy!  Roll on September..............!





You know what.....?  I think that's my sinuses starting to clear...............

A Slice Of All Right

Bitsy little Opinel, my implement of faith
you accompany me around the house, it's every single place.

Bitsy little Opinel, in your home of solid wood.
You've helped me scrape off fishy scales when I'm preparing food.

Bitsy little Opinel,  you helped me turn a screw -
when a driver wasn't handy, I relied on little you!

Bitsy little Opinel,  you cut that carpet fine.....
which tucked along the skirting edge in adequate design.

 Bitsy little opinel, you're ready at the hilt -
you nip off garden buds and things that either stick or wilt.

Bitsy little Opinel, your blade is ready fast.
You cut the twine with steady ease -  man's strength you did surpass!

Bitsy little Opinel,  what a nifty blade you've got.
You sliced the bag, I sowed the seeds -  in terracotta pots!

Bitsy little Opinel, what about those leather shoes?
You quickly pierced a new hole, now the straps no longer loose!

Bitsy Little Opinel, oh how you master slits -
and sharpen wood and leave behind cute curly shaven bits!

Bitsy Little Opinel- my saviour of the view -
who doth need a handyman when I've got little you?

Bitsy little Opinel - in your wooden home of beech
I'll treasure you forever more...Dieu vous bénisse.

Bitsy little Opinel - I could big you up all day -
but blades have to recuperate once grime is wiped away.

Oh, Bitsy little Opinel - whom I love through and through......
there'll never be an Opinel of  ever losing you!

Written from this week's prompt at Willows......magpietales.blogspot.com

Air Etchings.

The field is such a fine place
for the easel board and lead.
Miles and miles of nothingness,
a clear and silent head.

Sharpening the pencils
with a sure and steady hand.
Then breath in inspiration,
casting thoughts out to the land.

A wispy stroke, a beaded brow,
just where will this line end?
Along the shaded darker route,
with his linear of friends?

A blended, smudgy vision
is now starting to evolve.
As graphite takes you over
Reality dissolved.

The lineweight finds its ideal shade
The pulp accepting tones
In simple sweeps the graphite keeps
Creations as His own.

Miles and miles of nothingness
That neither talks nor lies.
It is amazing what appears 
when not before the eyes.

Another great prompt from Willow at:

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

Stoney Grace

Here's my effort of Magpie 17:   It's a bit late but I had it on draft to complete.

Stoney Grace.

Since I was a budding child, you've fascinated me
Ever staring, weather bearing, what will be, will be.

You were hidden in our garden, overgrown with manic sheaves
Concrete waves that framed your face peeked through the ivy leaves.

We picked you up and there you were, a bust in concrete grey
Dusted down and turned around our little girl of clay.

Moved you around the garden, to give you visions new
And shelter when the sky is fierce, all dark and moody blue.

And so our strange new relic, now our guardian of ground
Kept a steady eye on things, no sight and not a sound.

I asked you as I cleaned you if you're shouting or in shock
But the secret soul expression stays solidified in rock.

I've even tried to name you but a title never fits
You'll always be our mystery with grainy little bits

You're the maiden of our garden, in which ever way you choose
In taciturn your endless stare surrounds a tearful druse.

Then one night, so so long ago still sticks with me within
You creeped  me out with your silent shout, obscurity wherein:

By the window opened wide, moonlight on sullen grey,
I heard a lull in lilac tones, a singular soiree.

It never did repeat itself, where e'er you graced the ground,
May long you live in silent mode and evermore confound.

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/

From The Pier

This is my effort from the picture above in this week's Magpie Tales.

http://magpietales.blogspot.com/
 
As I walk home late from the tracks of my past
I peer at your horizon, a soul that's so vast.
I breath in the sea air, and cry to the night
As front waves appear in the sodium light.

Under the water swim thousands of you
Temperate actions and hullabaloo.
Shifty and scared, brave, taking chances
Bullying, battling, swift primal dances.

Gathering shoals of different kinds
Colours that blend, others that blind.
Shaping your world as nature intended
Instinctively loving, a partner defended.

I could capture you all, my ultimate prize
Tossing back those I may come to despise.
With all of you fishes held under the sea
Can't one come ashore and try capturing me?

Son, Done and Dusted.........!

God, what a dust came out of my computer's fan bit! It had been playing up for weeks and the sticking for more than 20 seconds at times sometimes, was well getting on my tits. It was a bigger nightmare when trying to play some music and it 'stuck'. It simulated a machine gun on certain songs and others peaks almost made me howl. Of  course, Mr. Compy lives in PrettyBoys room and he does smoketh and chucketh clothes and things everywhere so whips up a ruddy great cloud that you don't always see settling on the insides of places.

Trying to get a hand from a passing bloke in my house is tricky as they are either working, moaning, gigging,  hungover, studying, yada, yada, yada.......!  They insisted that a professional clean out was in the best interest but was it really that much of an inside job? Was it buck! So I had to go it alone and try 'n' rely on little old me.
 
Not a great computer boffin generally (I mean I haven't even worked out how to do one of them here thingies that take you to another link) I've been clever enough practically to reckon that the machine is overheating when the fan struggles to spin, and on checking this there was a thick layer of dusty stuff!

 Couldn't be arsed to take the whole side of the hard drive off, so I accessed the fan through the the holes in the vent.  I used barbeque skewers and twisted damp cotton wool tips round the ends of them, titled the hard drive to balance against the wall and with the aid of a torch, carefully and precisely swabbed off the layers of dust and dirt, and extracted the lumps so gently off the fan and attached vent, gently eeking the swabs of dirt back through the holes. Viola. After an hours cleaning the machine (for now) is working like a dream. Faster and cooler.

It'd cost me £35 to have this done in my local repair shop. Hang your head out the window in smokey-shame PrettyBoy....!! God knows what lives under that bed....!

ps.......I have no idea why the text colour is changing during paragraphs...........! Oh, well. Can't win 'em all!

And I Would Walk 500 More......!

London was fantastic.  My darling daughter and her wonderful hubby, James, treated me like royalty.  Kerri managed to get the whole week off work, so we spent it as a duo as much as possible. Even so, she made sure each day of the rather quick week mattered and contained happy snaps. My twin sister and her kids live only a short distance away from my daughter so I was blessed to spend time with them also. Kerri was my racy little chauffeur, happily zooming me about Buckinghamshire.

The most precious days to me were the ones spent in London at the zoo, and Madame Tussauds. We played fabulous tricks on friends of my twin sister's as I posed as she. Kerri even arranged a visit with my stepson, Sean, (whom we'd both never seen for 10 years) and his wife and wee boy, Ryan. It was a very emotional reunion and remarkably he only lives 11 miles away from her in Henley. So they've promised to keep in touch.

I could go on forever here, but bear with me and I'll upload a few (shed-loads) snaps. I'll catch up with you guys tomorrow!
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My wee girl is crazy about penguins. I'm not sure how many she's drunkenly sponsored but this little guy seemed to know her!

 At the zoo's aquarium. Electric blue jellyfish!









Camden's Market Stalls. Unique, punky and chic!








Brad Pitt eat your heart out!  Socket to 'em  professor!









My pal the Pope before he popped off!





My ultimate hunk of wax....a dip into Depp.








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Weekend Peeps!

 

Everyone gathering for Sunday nibbles and wine!

 Me with my beautiful niece, Layla. My twin sister's daughter.

My handsome and gifted nephew, Ashley, (Layla's brother) who attends classical music boarding school.  So proud of him!

The two 'mums'!  James's mum drove down for a visit. It was great seeing her again!

The man of the house, putting up with all that female psycho-babble stuff! Nice earring, Jamesina!
 




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Our Day in Marlow.....!

Our second pub of the day.

This pub had 3D television. It was fookin' brilliant. Me twin and daughtah in utter fascination, here. I actually ducked twice!

All Saints Church in Marlow, where my daughter and James married. We went in for a quick visit (as the pipe organs were being tuned) and I was in awe all over again.

My twin and I in the church's ground, right next to Marlow Bridge as the Thames rippled past.

Me and my twin.

 I could have spent all day at the water's edge. So peaceful.

 My 'ikkle 'grandson', Ryan, with a bopped nose (it wasn't me!). This was my first meeting with him! Such a clever and happy baby.

Kerri with Ryan. Kids adore her, she has a great affinity with the under 3's....! I pray her fertility treatment works soon. She'll be an excellent mum!







And with her best friend, Gemma, and little George who visit her often. Gemma is preggers again so Kek helps out by running after George for her!






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Saying Ta-Ra To Me Twin !

This was undoubtedly the hardest goodbye I'd said in years. The twin connection is a bond like no other. It's spooked us out often - especially when we were young, but we've grown to accept it now.

The daughters got bored as the mums reminisced 20 odd years or more!

So they delved into my handbag and amused themselves as thus! They're apparently portraying themselves as 'old sweetie-wives' as me and my twin natter.

So it wasn't long until they ga-ga'd us!

Kerri tried on her new surgery scrubs and gave them instant approval.
She wanted pastel pink ones as they show up blood spatter better! Chin (literally!) up, Kek...!

Kerri hiding as the Domino's Pizza van man approaches with our order! Your treat, young lady!!......lol






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My Last Day........*sniff*

Even on our last 'chill' day I 'cheesed' them, but after a few glasses of Chardonnay, Kerri was striking up sarcastic and funny poses again!

The conservatory was amazing. I'd burn to a crisp in seconds in full-on summer! God help the poor window cleaner...lol

These stairs led to my favourite section of the house - the music room! All open plan and welcomingly melodic!

I laughed so much at Kerri's dreadful notes on the piano that the photo came back blurry! Your grampa Smith would have loved this room, Kek - and your sense of humour!



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 Garden Of Goodbye!   Haste-me-back!

 
Me posing at the patio table. Many a good barbie has sizzled on this patch, so I'm told. The weather for May in London was well below average and rainy so we had an indoors equivalent!

Here he is.Bertie - our favourite chocolate labrador! Boy can that one piddle.

Bertie and Kerri, running circles round each other and the tree. He managed to control her eventually!

Bertie leashed and ready for his walk.

My girl proving to me that I actually suit a dog and that they're good exercise.......and don't my poor arse and thighs know it!



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One thing I have learned more than anything is that I have a beautiful  daughter, inside and out, who with her hubby, James, have worked long and hard in all aspects of life and I can't stress enough how proud of them I am. No airs. No graces. My girl is a pillar of strength to many. So very, very funny, too! I don't think my heart could grow any fonder in her absence as it already is. It'd simply burst.

Big Heaps, baba.....xxx