It's now ding, ding, round four, of my breast investigation. Last week, I went for a needle core biopsy, which took a full hour and consisted of a numb knocker and fairly lengthy needles going in to me from all angles, until they were happy that most of the suspicious cells were drawn out. It was a bit manic to me, all the machines and laser precision , X, Y and Z-ings! Granted, I was sitting upright in a most comfortable padded leather chair and plumped up pillows, for my x-rays and such like. They also fitted me with a titanium clip that if I remember rightly, was placed in the best position for easier access to any future precancerous or calcification cells.
follow up appointment to the above, was yesterday. After a brief
ultrasound scan the consultant broke the news to me that all the needle
insertions didn't draw out every suspect cell, despite what the monitor
showed. I still have an area of concern that the needles either didn't
reach - despite all the advanced equipment - or, highly unlikely but
still possible ( if it's gonna happen then I'm your gal! ), the cells grew back quicker than Usain Bolt covering a 100m final with jets up his arse.
This time I've to have a excisional biospy and must
travel to a Glasgow hospital for the procedure - which is a right
pain. I'm 5 minutes down the road from a brand-spanking-new hospital
that has a life-sized hologram woman greeting you at the main door and robots
(Japan is the only other country in the world to have them) interacting
with regular punters in the corridors and wards - and I have to travel
45 miles away to undergo a bigger biopsy to no doubt cater for the size
of my walloping bosom! Some new 'convenient' hospital for the central
belt that turned out to be! The irony is that I'm having the procedure
done by one of the consultants I've been under locally anyhow!
time: I'm of a certain mindset or disposition if you will. Life
often sucks and mother nature has been a right bitch to me over the
years. For the possible likelihood that I'd freak if back-tracking them
all, I don't keep a journal of all the 'bad luck' stuff ect, that's
ever gone on. I do tend to not raise hopes much these days. I never
look forward to many things now, but I do love to recall if something's
been a joy, success, or relief! That's me!
I found the consultation yesterday quite straining. It wasn't Dr.Seth
but another consultant and new nurse in the room. There was awkward
pauses and he kept frowning while referring to my notes. That may have
been because a conclusion, one way or the other, was expected
yesterday. Perhaps it's just that they know it's an inconvenience for
people to travel to an unfamiliar town.
But I can't help feeling
there's something still to be uncovered yet. On out way out, the nurse showed my hubby
and I to a side room and gave me a card with various names and mobile
numbers of local MacMillan Cancer Support nurses - she was one herself
- to call day or night with any query, sensible or silly! I simply
thanked her and carefully put my card in my purse with all my other
little bits of plastic.
As yet, my tests have all drawn inconclusive results -and as I say, nothing confirmed one way or the other. Looking around at all the patients filling up
the chairs of the oncology clinic, for a brief moment I felt like I was
in a bubble. It was seconds later when a nurse called in a little girl
called Lara, who looked around six, that I snapped back , thinking if it all does matter, I'll
be capable of coping.