Johnny Pantaloons

Johnny was cock of the mobsters
as well as the cock of  New York
A gangster in dark Valentino
but gingham by way of his shorts

Took money for whisky and whistlers
and pride in the seam down his pants
Set up knife fights for fun for a dollar,
controlled gals with a single-hit glance

Jail was no threat or no picnic
more like a Holiday Inn
Smuggled-in goods was his business
as the guards and the priest sold his sin

But a free man was Johnny Golightly
liked the feel of the air up his legs
Wandered downtown with suave exultation,
spitting down on the tradesman who begs

He needed a woman for each night -
only the fine ones he bought
But his taking of dolls backfired on him
found a bellyful Bella distraught

He denied that the brat would be his one
and slapped the gal over the face
So she went home to Daddy and told him
he sent shooters all over the place

Her father was no doll respecter,
had bastards all over the town
But no man would diss his own angel
it was time for a Daddy showdown

He gave him no choice in the matter
by a smack from a tight, massive fist
Threw a new marriage licence down on him -
smiling princess was making a list

Poor Johnny now joining a family
far greater at doing the Job
Went out shopping for purty white dresses -
only Hope that he knew now was Bob!

From then on it ended the lesson
from one who gave life not one hoot.......
Bigger pants always means bigger trouble, and
bigger shoulder pads on the Zoot Suit!
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