April 06, 2014

Dust To A Widow

I'm not too happy with this attempt - bit of a struggle this week for me.  I'll probably edit it later but thanks for reading anyhow!

Promises linger and sing room to room 
the heart of a lover that's taken too soon
Echos of yesterdays bring down their plans
erased by a reason she can't understand 

Heart pounds with anger,  teardrops that burn
his ring on her finger and life in an urn
A carry on promise she may have to break
as guilt reconsiders its choice to forsake

Then the sun sneaks inside using multiple rays
dancing around in irregular ways
His voice whispers find me she feels him around
particular particles - sight with no sound

Inhaling strongly, then closing eyes tight
comforted vision as day turns to night
An all around piece of him left in the flat
no other feet wiped on their coir welcome mat


Gently she carries him down to the sea
keeping the promise of what was to be
Back home all the windows are opened up wide
and soon there's no need for the the widow to hide

*************************************************************************************

22 comments:

rel said...

closure;
the promise of life comes full circle and we move on 'til our turn in the urn.

anne marie in philly said...

it's fine just the way it is.

Belva Rae Staples said...

This is beautiful!

Gail said...

Well done.

Bekkie Sanchez said...

I'd drop this stanza completely or change the last 2 lines in it. It's a beautiful poem so don't get me wrong! This is the only rough spot in your poem. No need to change anything else! I love it!
"Inhaling strongly, then closing eyes tight
comforted vision as day turns to night
An all around piece of him left in the flat
no other feet wiped on their coir welcome mat"

C.C. said...

This is stunning. Emotionally evocative, full of sensory engagement. Not a single word need change....it is spectacular as it is.

M. A. S. said...

I especially like the 3rd stanza.

Steven Cain said...

Beautiful... and sad.

gillena cox said...

i'm always in awe of poets who rhyme; good one


much love...

Optimistic Existentialist said...

Beautiful and sad at the exact same time...

Ginny Brannan said...

Whenever we see the sunbeams breaking through the clouds, we think of it as our loved ones smiling down on us from the heavens. This reminded me so much of that. Lovely.

Jinksy said...

aaah...:-)♥

Stafford Ray said...

Hi, thanks for the goldfish story. You 'got the presence' of a 'dearly departed' well. For a giggle have a look at this true story.
http://staffordray.blogspot.com.au/search?q=nails

Truedessa said...

This is heart touching..

sreeja harikrishnan said...

beautiful....

mywordwall said...

Ah, this made me want to cry. You wrote this so beautifully.

Sue said...

Oh yeah. I like this one!

=)

Tess Kincaid said...

Lovely and lyrical as always...

~T~ said...

I can feel it--great job!

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