April 01, 2013

The Breakfast Pact

I don't Adam and Eve it - I'm the first one to get up!
That means I'm cooking breakfast in this rustic little hut

This mini-break week-end away, has come without a waiter
I didn't know the But 'n' Ben was totally self cater 

This place is back to basics, yet I struggle with mod cons.
Better do my best to fathom it, before the first one yawns.

No cereal in boxes? WHAT?!  The butter's turned quite runny.
Yay! I've found a pair of near full jars, one jam, the other honey

How on earth am I supposed to make the bread go brown?
Or keep the yoke all yokey as the water simmers down.....

That jam whose lid I wrestled was in scarlet cognito
T'was but a jar of beetrootyet no one would ever know.

Occupiers previous had left some porridge oats
but I envisage a blockage in each of my 3 friends' throats!

I'll stick to mini fry ups, sausage from the pits of Hell
Covered up with Heinz' Baked Beans, at first you cannot tell!

The coffee percolator had that added weird utensil -
Shot hot dark beans around the place - the owner will go mental! 

Won't someone save my bacon and take over from me?
Before I wrap that cat in foil and roast it for our tea!     
Friends sat around performing a post mortem on their plates.
Guess I've chopped my chance of getting past those fine-dine Pearly Gates.

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Berowne said...

Sprightly and witty; well done.

Jinksy said...

Oh, what a tale of holiday kitchen horrors...I feel like I've been there, done that before... Self catering joys, what? LOL

Strummed Words said...

Quite clever and amusing!

Kathe W. said...

I love your sense of humor
the rhymes are quite delightful
even if your stay was distastefully frightful!
Have a great week!

Helen said...

I wanna go home ...........

Tigerbrite said...

Fun one :)

Lyn said...

All I can say is..may I have some more, please??

Kutamun said...

Sounds like someone who can conjure a slap up feed from almost anywhere in record time !

Little Nell said...

Now this is really funny - a self-cater like that would have me running a mile. Nicely rhymed and rolled.

~T~ said...

Mums never get a real vacation, do they?

Tess Kincaid said...

Adam and Eve it...clever...