Every day or so, they say
the waiter's by the sea
Thickest fog, unsubtle smog
his basic rivalry
And there he stands, this proffered man
throwing curses from the edge
Still he fights as docks ignite
those promises they pledged
In true abyss he'll always miss
the stories that they'd sing
Till the boy returns the seas shall burn
it's lost linguistic string
No mighty bridge with climbing ridge
can stop a body's fall
What push or shove, indicative of?
He may never know at all.
********************************
24 comments:
throwing curses from the edge
Still he fights as docks ignite
those promises they pledged...ouch...been there...or seen that...
and no bridge will stop a body from falling....nice...emotive....
simply awesome! lots of good lines too in this one...
JJRod'z
Love the flow! wonderful!!
Oh, he is one angry man.
Great imagery all through this!
Lovely rhythm...beautiful...
And there he stands, this proffered man
throwing curses from the edge
I see him as this now.
Sounds like this fellow is lost in a red fog of rage. Nice rhythm and flow to this.
the stories, and the song...yeah, this is the kind of picture you hear songs about across all cultures, in many different languages
under windsor bridge senryu
is he raging for a lost one or?
Very well written.
Nice write! A bit chilling.
docks ignite
those promises they pledged
Of a ship which never came home, perhaps?
He does appear angry and he stands out from the fog because of it.
rel
'Proffered' is a great word! Nicely done ...
This sounds like another tragedy unfolding. Great rhythm.
A sad story and well told.
=)
Oh shucks, you know he loves to live by the sea! But of course he does!!! Very nice poem!
This reminds me of lars von triers " breaking the waves " , where the girl screams to the sea for her liver to come back, so perhaps this is the gay version ? , i found it very moving, Helena , thanks.
Such a sad story but you did it so beautifully. I found it very endearing.
Mine is here
Have you a ROCKING AND WEEK!!!
hugs
shakira
LOVE IT! :)
Wonderful take on this image. I like your rhyming scheme too.
A sad story beautifully told.
I love how you tell such wonderful stories so lyrically!
You still doing your homework? I handed mine in to Archie Jack back in '79 lol
ps......is loony-tunes in town...?!
Thank you for all these wonderful comments, sadly, I've not much time to reply personally this week.......and yes, bawheed, - 'Tunes is in toon......lol.....I'll pop over soon!♪
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