April 25, 2010

Top 6 Celebrity Shag List.

I have been enjoying my blogs muchy-more of lately, now that I have a lot more time on my hands. Just this past 3 weeks I have discovered new bloggists with similar interests as my own and I've gotten to visit  longer term friends a bit more, too!  This post has been influenced by Gwen (of auntiegwensdiary.blogspot.com)so I'm off to give you my results and reasonings in reverse order. The collage consists of younger through to present dayish pictures and a separate favourite one. Please have sick buckets and stretched facial reactions at the ready:

No.6 - Ed Byrne.

The cheeky chappie comedian with the smooth Irish accent has always appealed to me. I think it's true that a man can laugh a woman into bed. I just happened to catch the ending of one of his early shows where he renamed dental hygienists 'tartar bitches'.  He's geeky and bodily weedy but his tongue makes up for that in other ways. I was lucky to catch him at one of the Edinburgh Fringe shows a good few years back now and I think it's about time for  a revisit. An enlightened member of the British Humanist Association, Ed sticks up for natural ethics and in his view comedy is his religion.  There's a chance his bony being would be crushed under my vivacious curves, but he can ripple my waves any time he likes.....!
No.5 - Rutger Hauer

The problem with fancying an older man when you're in your twenties is that by the time you're in your forties he's eligible for his bus pass. But I've adored Dutch actor (now with full American accent) Rutger Hauer since I saw Blade Runner back in 1981. Plays Androids and psychos  tremendously well. Wish I could say the same about the rest of his films as most of them are bit, well a lot, B-sidey.  His best effort was The Legend Of The Holy Drinker, an Italian subtitled film about a homeless drunk who is intent on paying back the church a small loan they gave him but he's met with problems along the way in doing so. Believe it or not, it won an award! The Guinness adverts he starred in in the 80's & 90's are legendary, too!  With hands like shovels, and those blue, blue eyes, I'm not ruling out a bed-bop but I'd be curious to have a shower with Hauer  yet.  One of the sexiest voices ever and he portrays that wonderfully in our recent Lurpak butter voice-over adverts!! He just makes into my top 6 but has given me some good spreads over the years!
No 3 - David Tennant

Well, what can I say? He's talented, handsome, and very, very sexy. It is my younger sister's fault that I'm into him as she bullied me into watching Casanova, a comedy drama where he played an effusively, exuberant Bohemian womanizer. Hard to think his father is a minister in real life! Of course, this Scotsman is mostly known as Dr.Who, with the rather suave English accent. But that smile......! Uh!  David's stage roles do get rave reviews but the role that stunned me was his part in Recovery, a BBC play about a man dealing with life after brain injury has wiped out most of his memory. It has elements of humour as well as pathos and he plays the part to perfection. If you have never seen it, the drama is uploaded onto youtube in bouts of 10 minutes. Give it a go.  My favourite picture is the one singled out. You choose the story David......I won't be listening to a bloody word of it, anyhow!
 No.3 - Brett Anderson
A few years ago he made it to my No.1 spot, but he's slipped a bit now.  It never really was his 'good looks' that I fell for (doesn't quite need a head bag, though) but his song writing talents. The man is a musical genius. London born Brett, with his band, Suede, changed the face of British pop way back in 1993 and I only discovered them via an impromptu gig accompanying my wee sister (Sandy, I'm not worthy....!) and was hooked ever since.  I left that gig thoroughly bruised, dehydrated, sweat-soaked and fag burned but it was one of the biggest thrills of my life.  I now hate attending seated gigs. The thrill of not knowing if you're coming out alive somehow adds to the experience.  Suede split up in 2003 and have now reformed (what with this huge Britpop comeback stuff) and I'm excited about it.  Brett and the boys helped me support a charity gig where I busked all their songs for 24hours. There was an anonymous donation after the deed that no-one has ever admitted to. Mmmm Hmmmm!  Mr.Anderson, you recently married, but never quite broke my heart. I at least got a dressing-room cuddle from you!
No.2 Viggo Mortensen 

Well, here's to my floppy-haired obsessed hormones. Viggo is my Danish/American supremo. For years he put the wind up me in some of his roles. He just has one creep-you-out type face that a woman can't resist. Personally, I think he has become more distinguished as he's aged (whereas some women just become hacket!). Granted he starred in some shit roles, too, but all one needs to do is focus on the man. God, I even sat through them boringly, dull (in colour format - at least Hairy Patter had plenty colour!) far too long LOTR trilogy tripe just to catch a swatchy! He's also a bit of a humanitarian, musician and Embassador. A real sweet guy.  I have to admit, he'd need to shave his ruddy chest before I had a go on his oboe, for sake of the velcro effect against my rather dried-out, hacketty hair. My favourite pic is of him playing Lucifer in The Prophecy where he's just ripped out Angel Gabriel's ticker and feasted on it. What, Viggo? No ketchup?! Didn't I say he was all heart..?
No.1 - Eric Stoltz
Well, ladies (and occasional gent) you'll see I'm not totally ruled by looks. No Johnny Dipps or Brad Pittance's made it into my top 6 and I hear they're absolutely gutted.  And for the first time in a long time, a ginger has taken the top spot.  During the 80's a film called Some Kind Of Wonderful, a teenage tripe he-doesn't-really-love-the-snooty-rich-girl-but-his-best-female-friend-after-all kind of film, was made a bit more interesting to me as the love interest was a rock chick and I was guitar mental back then. As much as I adored him and the film back then, my adoration waved a little until the mid-nineties where he starred as an earth angel, terrorised by Christopher Walken.  But it takes a talented actor to play controversial roles and playing a paedophile in The Butterfly Effect was both disturbing and admiring. One thing I have to say about gingers is they usually have the greenest mottled or ice-clear eyes, usually with accompanying long lashes, and very, very nice tones to their voices. This all re-surfaced when Sky 1 (yes, I probably do watch too much night television) started to show Caprica, a sci-fi series in which he's now starring. And for a man nigh on 50, I think he's a little bit of alright! So Stoltz, I'd make sure my house was full of bolts 'cause you wouldn't be going anywhere until I'd finished with you.......Wouldn't he have made a wonderful ginger Jesus..?
I've had so much fun compiling this that I'll be adding more celebrity shags in the future - but with an added twist. A list of Dead or Nearly Dead shags that were top in their prime but now need either a bed bath or the past need of a funeral director.  I fancy a Geek list, too. I mean a very geeky or ugly bloke, that for some reason other than looks tickled your fancy. And a Shame list - where the guys are barely legal (and in my terms of age, that starts from their 20's!).  Hussy that I am...!


Kirsty said...

What's one woman's "yuck" is another ones "yay". Viggo is my "yay" from your list and Brett my "yuk"....soz.....!

Anonymous said...

.......still tryin' tae shag a pensioner, then? Gie the man peace....!

auntiegwen said...

Oh I'd do Ed Byrne too (he'll be thrilled to know that) and I love the "in their prime list" or a geek list too.

Are you going to see The Signals in June? I might be up in Scotland then.

Lena said...

Kirsty - since my hysterectomy my hormones and salaciousness levels are all over the place. Mothers, lock up your sons....lol

aminonnymoose....piss off bawheed! Rutger was a looker in his youth and he's only JUST become a pensioner! It'll take a HUGE bar of Galaxy and grovelling to find your guitar again!

Gwen - I should be able to make it. I'd be nice to meet you. One of the mums of Adam's new band is considering another charity do thingy so I'll see if the guys/gluttons for punishment, are interested.