Refusing The Snip!

For nigh on seven weeks now,  I have been  continuously nagging   patiently waiting on my hubby finding time to give my hair a trim.   He always used to trim the boys' hair and in his youth worked in a stylist shop, where he and his buddy would make a bit of pocket money by sneaking into the premises at night, straight from the pub, to give cheap haircuts to their mates!  (Heaven knows what some results must have looked like but under the influence sounds not too bad an idea for customers).  Anyhow -  I have threatened to report him about this act to the police, despite the shop being bulldozed 15 years ago and the owner dead - lest he gets chopping!  Perhaps some public humiliation will do the trick:



Oh, why won't he give me a haircut?
That significant other of mine
Always telling me ''go to a salon'',
when at home he can do it just fine!

Whenever he hands me the clippers
I shave both his head AND his beard
Right from the chin to the crowning,
it looks splendid,  just feels a bit weird!

Oh, why won't he give me a haircut?
My stylist takes twenty-five pounds!!
And the walk is a mile and a half long,
he could snippity-snip on home ground!

He once was trainee hairdresser,
in an upmarket salon, you know
After dark, both he and a buddy
would trim barnets (illegally so!)

Oh, why won't he give me a haircut?
For it's catching on brollies and things
And scratching this mop when it's itchy,
gets entangled on watches and rings!

Oh man - if the weather is windy! -
It's wooshing mad from side to side
And often there's food clinging to it,
summer insects hop on for a ride!

Oh, why won't he give me a haircut?
That miserable hubby of mine
His edges are straighter than rulers,
his fringes are simply devine!

Though I've promised I'd sweep up the split-ends,
and talk bollocks of holiday plans
No bribery, pleading or begging,
is shifting this pig of a man!!

Oh, why won't he give me a haircut?
It near smothers him when we're in bed
I've gulped it in, near bloody choked me,
even so, he still won't go ahead!


Well, no point in me taking a hairy
No point in me starting to curse
He's reluctant to shampoo and clip me
Someone pass me my boots and my purse! 

**********************************************************
 ps......I never have my hair up out in public as I don't think I suit it, in case one wonders why I just don't pony-tail or bun it!