Painful Paws.

I'm in a kind of limbo of emotion right now. I'm both excited that my boys' bands are both doing great but dreading hearing the news I don't want to hear from my best friend and neighbour, Liz, next door.

Choosing not to have children, Liz's love in abundance is lavished on her pets, although both her and the friend she shares her house with, Tam, have been surrogate parents to my own offspring. Over the past 8 years of living next door to me, they have had to say goodbye to 3 of their cats. All lived to grand ages, but sadly, Tam's cat, Nico, died on his birthday. One year he won't ever forget. Right now, I'm worried for them both.

Liz's has two Doberman Pinschers and her older dog, Tarot, is 12 and in poor health. It could be any day now that he passes. It is something that is unavoidable but each day is a bonus. I visited him recently, and the old guy actually dragged himself upright to walk over and greet me, with his stumpy little tail going like the clappers. It was a shock and a total honour. One, I'm happy to say, that was caught on film.

On ocassions, I've doggysat for Tarot - sometimes before his younger companion, Tealc, came on the scene 4 years ago. I can remember my son feeling as cool as anything, trying to pass Tarot off as his own dog while taking him a walk. I also remember marching him into my kitchen on his lead to frighten the life out of my cat! Don't worry, I knew Tarot was raised with cats and really was the gentle giant he seemed. My cat just hissed a bit, but strangely didn't try to run, they were sniffing noses with each other in seconds and struck up immediate trust. I adore Liz's other Doberman, too, but will always feel my soft spot for Tarot.

I'm gonna miss the bark when the door goes. Miss the gentle way he would lick my ankles while I'd popped in for a cuppa with Liz. Miss watching him from an upstairs window, and remember how Tealc used to copy everything he did while establishing his own right in the doggy world.

So, I'm kinda clinging on to other things here waiting on the dreaded news. I don't care what people say, animal bereavement is just as daunting and affective as human loss. I may be a mum but have been shit at it at times. For Tarot, he was truly loyal and had unconditional love for his owners. It's going to be an occasion I hope I can find the strength to help them see through. Liz has always been there for me when my family haven't. If I could take the pain away I would. ......I'll leave you with a picture of her and Tarot (I'm sure she won't mind) isn't it breathtaking?