Secret (pt2) CH28

                   ***SECRET (pt 2)***

  🐦🐦 Just when Brian had thought he'd heard it all, the next apple of discord in this God-forsaken saga hurled incredulity straight back at him.  Still trying to incorporate sense obliquely to bring Neil back down from cloud cuckoo land, he asked what would happen if their affair did become common knowledge.

    'At the first sniff of anything like that we'd flee - to some place or other where nobody knows us.'

     Staring at him with an almighty frown, forcing the lines in his forehead to replicate a down pointing arrow, Brian was clearly taken aback.

   'What? And abandon her mum?'

   'Saskia's spent most of her life to pleasing her mum, helped with her grandfather too, besides Beverly's doing well, she's expecting the all-clear soon. But that's the decision we've made if the worst was to happen...'  he declared, walking back to his desk, after a like-it-or-not gesture at Brian's clear affront. And once he was sitting back down, he swept a hand right round his surrounds, then said, 'I'd give all this up for her. Right now.'

    The words totally confounded Brian. 'Are you serious?'

    'Oh, I'm serious. You know the old saying " if you don't sacrifice for what you want, what you want becomes the sacrifice?"  Well, I can't have that. I won't...all of this,' he gestured around again, ' would be yours.'

     Brian let that thought take precedence for a moment. He'd be running Balfour Industries! 

     They'd already signed an indenture that sealed this future deal on Neil's retirement - he would be head honcho. He had managed the place for years whenever Neil was shooting off somewhere; for months at a time when he was married to Magrette.  

   Of course, nothing was fully signed over, but the disposition could see Brian comfortably off. Neil was planning on retiring at 60 anyhow, so it'd be no big deal bringing that forward a couple of years. Work was purely stringent familiarization, reaching an imperishable level of boredom by 10a.m. and felt even more intolerable since Saskia.  He'd be fucked if he would let this place be the premature death of him. With millions safely tucked away for retirement, he could bow out gracefully. Or perhaps disgracefully now it was known that if this whole sordid affair did leak, they would be pissing off out of the picture.  

      'Here's hoping it doesn't come to that,' Brian said.  And for Neil's sake at this moment in time, under such circumstances, he really meant it. 

   Back to the decanter for one last whisky, Brian stood quiescently watching night engulfing the daylight sky.  There would be no point in any more visceral objections.  As far as he managed to see things, his friend was caught up in a juncture, a case of hope and hopelessness, while his own feelings on the matter were suspended somewhere between horror and pity. Pity? There was a word he'd never thought he'd ever associate with mega-rich, uber-privileged Neil Balfour.  It was a shame, too, as he had stopped being morally bankrupt years ago. This disgusting love had blinded him enough to be ignoring the full backlash, of the consequences it could bring. What a bloody old fool. 

    'I'll have to be going soon, Neil, but can you answer me one last thing before I leave - just for my own curiosity?'

     He gave a curt nod.

    'If she hadn't initiated things, confessed to you, so to speak... would you have said or done anything?'

    'Probably not,' he answered, tapping a pen by it's nib on the desk, 'although it wouldn't have stopped me knowing, needing, or wanting her.  As I said, you can't legislate for the human heart. She's the sweetest, funniest and single-most mental little creature. It can hurt how much I love her - and she has me in which any way, shape or form she chooses.'  

    Jesus, thought Brian to himself (he'd never blaspheme out loud) this idiot has taken mollycoddling to a new extreme!  Worse still, he sounded like a lovesick puppy.

    'I know it's been a shock, Brian, but she's the best thing to have happened to me since Magrette left. Life was empty after her, you know that better than anyone.'

    Brian gave a rueful smile at that. Had Magrette still been his wife, this whole sorry event may never have occurred. Curiosity killed, it really was time to go, but he was leaving with a minute fragment of understanding.  Instances of this kind weren't totally unheard of and usually always had a reciprocal sympathy story to sell with it. So was it really wrong to be needed, to be comforted in bittersweet necessity?  Brian swirled the glass and in one fell swoop, the whiskey took the answer to that one down with it. 

   'Okay if I leave the report till Monday?'
   'Sure.' Neil answered, his friend's mind would probably be addled enough this weekend, let alone cope with audit trails. 'Thanks, Brian. For at least letting me vent. I wasn't quite expecting a Gregson from you, but I've appreciated you being there all the same.'

   'Well, nobody can wholeheartedly view a situation they're not directly involved in, but I'll not move from what I think would be best all round.'     

   'I'll see that your car gets to you in the morning.' Was all his reply contained.
   Again, Brian gave a little nod and headed out. Pausing in the door frame, he turned to add:
   'You know this'll go no further, Neil.'  That was never doubted for a second. 'Text me when Saskia returns. Daughters are stubborn little bastards, but it'll be sooner than you think.'

    Neil's revelation would feel tangible for days to come, like a sour taste on the tongue, and Brian prayed as he strode towards the exit that Neil really would come to his senses. But the man had, after all, simply felt compelled to fight hiscorner, spill his heart - just as Saskia was coaxed to do at Neil's request. But he sorely wished he hadn't popped up for that damned document tonight.  

Alone in the darkening office, Neil heaved an almighty sigh, mixed with worry, fear and palliation. It had been strange to articulate the appeal and danger of taboo, but freeing at the same time. Right now, however, come what may, he just wanted to know Saskia was okay. It would be pointless to glance anymore at either his phone or out the window, and the greenhouse carpet had been subjected to the most-incessant pacing of its life. One more refill and he'd do one.

                                  *                                        *                                           *
   
Standing wearily on his balcony at 2 am, with a fifth coffee since returning home in hand, he looked out over the city, listening to the distant sighs of traffic, hoping that some car or taxi would glide her safe return here or her home. London lights were gradually saying goodnight; tower block illuminated windows blinking off into darkness, one after another.  This was useless. Telling himself that she would call by the end of his next overdose of caffeine, clearly wasn't happening.  All it was really doing was working up a bladder-full of trips to the toilet.  He tipped the remaining half mug of coffee down the sink and went to bed, leaving the curtains fully open. After one last check at his phone's battery life, he succumbed to sleep faster than expected.

    

It took him a minute to click on that there was an extra band of warmth around his middle.  Looking down under the sheet he was mightily relieved to see her hand resting on his tummy, and with a quick glance at her over his shoulder for extra reassurance, he turned and roused her.  

     'Saskia? Saskia... where have you been, your mother's been going nuts wondering where you are.'  Checking his phone, she'd called another twice through the night, but noted none from Saskia. Him and his deep slumber. What use would he have been had she called? 

     'Please just let me sleep, Dad!'  

     He supposed that was a reasonable enough request to barter his relief with.
     It was now half past seven, so he rose as he'd be getting up at eight anyhow; a long enough lie in for him at weekends.  While the kettle was on to boil, he went to the guest room to call Beverly.  Whether she'd answer or not, he wasn't sure.  In the end he had to leave a voicemail.    
     By 10 a.m. he'd been to the supermarket for essentials and Saskia still hadn't moved from her sleeping position.  No amount of deliberate activity stirred her, and just as he decided one more hour and she was up whether she liked it or not, she started to awaken. Neil loomed over her, arms crossed, until she focused on his rather peeved expression as she clambered to sit up.
     'This the bit where I get grounded for a month?'
     'Your mum and I had been going out of our mind's with worry.'  
     'Now there's a sentence I seriously thought I'd never ever hear.'
     He ignored the cynicism, simply stating: 'You could have texted.'  It was apparent now that by ignoring him too, she had indeed been getting at her mum, for calling Beverly would have been the obvious thing he'd do.  
     'Yeah, well, I didn't. Some things you have to just grin and bear - I can't be my mother's puppet forever...  ' She quickly whipped back the covers and stormed towards the bathroom. 

    'Despite any gripe you had with your mum, all it would have taken was a simple message letting us know you were all right.'

    'Well, it looks like both of you will have to suck it up, then, doesn't it?'

    'Oh, very mature, Saskia!' he called after her. A minute or two later, he heard the rush from the shower head.  

   Preparing a breakfast that he wasn't sure either were ready for, there was a disquiet knot in his tummy. He tried to dismiss it as being his profound talk with Brian last night, but this gut feeling said differently.

    Saskia dressed from the stack of clothes she kept here and sat across from Neil at the breakfast bar, thanking him briefly. They both spent an uncomfortable couple of minutes, forcing in small mouthfuls of mushroom omelette - Saskia tensing herself for an interrogative grilling she really wasn't up for.

     'Can I ask where you were?'

     Yup. She was right.
     'Yeah. Dan's.' Neil's forehead gave a puzzled furrow so she had to help out. 'The big bloke you met the night you came to that gig with me'.

      Now it clicked. 'The guy from your high school?'
     'Yeah.''
     'Both nights?'
     'Both nights,' she confirmed.
     The protracted silence and refusal to look him in they eye concerned him, and the knot in his gut worsened enough to make him push his plate away. Saskia, in return, clanked her fork onto the plate and did the same.
     'He's decent, Dad. I didn't sleep with him in case that's bothering you.'
     'It's not,' he lied, for it flitted momentarily in his meantime, muddled mind. 'So, are you going to tell me what it was all about?'

     'You really don't wanna know.'

    The same troubled remark he made to Brian last night now exhausted him. 'For fuck's sake, Saskia...just tell me.'

    'I think she knows.'

     'What do you mean?' asked Neil, his heart banging like a demented dinner gong.
     'On my way out after a row she shouted something after me.'
     'Okay. What?'
     'That I'm returning home smelling more of you, than I am of myself.'

              End of ***SECRET***