Dawg Gone Cat

               Soon as I saw the empty food dish I went into leaving-your-pet-too-long mode!  Get a sitter or a walker...!!

Hey! Cat -you've got the freedom to go out and hunt your own
while I can't get my dinner till my owner's come on home
You think your so superior with slinky-slanty eyes
but I've a bite so snappy and with quick and clean surprise!

And I'm not all that choosy as to who would taste my bite
so you're lucky you're in on your own this fine and hungry night
I guess I'll go and have a gnaw at that old bone again
but it's not as near as filling as my meat and biscuit grain

I wonder where they really go when they're home late from work
they take so long then wonder why I go a bit berserk......
So think your damn self lucky you've the freedom of the place
and wipe that smarmy feline-scowl off of your pretty face!

 *            *              *          *

Hey! - Dog - you think it's lucky to be out there in the world
that I'm always happy here indoors all fed and warm and curled?
Have you ever tried to catch your own? How perfectly absurd!
Takes the strength of Cleopatra to catch either mouse or bird!

No! It's not a nice place out there, you're not always treated right
that is the reason most cats wait to go out late at night
But I'm longing till they're back too - I'm hungry just like you
if only we had thumbs and learned to twist that opener too!

Yes I know from where your coming, such a long and fearful wait
till we hear the engine of that car, or squeaking of that gate
But i think it's time for protest and a little bit of grit
pick your corner brother, and let's drop a real big shit!

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A Right Tough Mudder

I would like to give a huge 'Well Done' to my son Ross (PrettyBoy) and his workmates at the hospital,  who helped in raising a cool two and a half million pounds. They  faced a 12 mile assault course that had a range of brutal obstacles, including iced underwater cage, barbed wire crawl every mile,  electric shock pass through, artificial enema,  rat drop and more mud than a hippo would need in a lifetime!  It took the guys just over 4 hours to complete the task.

                                            
The annual event, called the Tough Mudder Challenge, is growing every year, and I believe America has an even more extreme version of the course.  The majority of the cash raised is for the Help For Heroes Military charity that helps both the wounded and widowers' families effected from Afganistan soldiers and aid workers during conflicts.

I've popped up a few snaps (including one of his cut and scraped knee caps), in pride of Ross and his friends who trained hard for the event.  Full course finishers were awarded a T-Shirt and other little keepsakes.  So congrats to all you tough mudder fudders!   I'd start training for the next summer event now if I were you guys!

Jacob. He's a Little Cracker!

Let me introduce the latest addition to our clan.......little Jacob - weighing in at a whopping 10lb!  He's home from hospital now and no doubt sleeping through all the excitement surrounding him.  Jacob is my 5th step grandchild and The Cheaper Half is delighted to add another boy to the mix!

Being 500 miles away in Scotland is a bit unfortunate but we're planning a journey as soon as possible.   I wish my stepson Seany and my step daughter-in-law, Sam, all the best (and a little rest) and for Jacob and his two sisters Mia, and Layla, and brothers Kian, and Ryan, many happy, loud, grazed knees days to come.  There's nothing like a baby to warm the heart. 

Those Returnings

The morning came with coffee
and a sack of mute replies
Voices rasped with consternation,
pity in each other's eyes

They'd make safe conversation
as shouts battered the hotel
A heroine in satin sheets
and vast chaotic shell

The night before when neon
lit the contours of her shape
And flashes flattered every inch
of common man's escape

Kisses talking loudly
on her beautiful behalf
Left the same simplistic yearning,
cigarette and autograph

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                                     written for Magpie Tales

S...S...S...S...S...S..'pidies!

I know I shouldn't mock but I can't get over how many blokes (particularly in our  male dominated family) are terrified of spiders.  I'm the chief spider catcher of the house, quite happy to pick them up and cup them in my hands for safe ejection as I don't allow any  'pidies to be killed indoors.  I've had many a panic-induced, mushy stain left over carpet and wall.  Of course, I understand that spiders can be dangerous in many countries but not ours and trying even to get them being thankful for that alone still didn't gain them any respect!  But overall, apart from the odd cobweb, what real harm do they do?

My older son, PrettyBoy, a Serco Security Guard, who as a child of 5 or 6 would have sat through The Exorcist and take on board that it's only a film  (he didn't so get those receivers down before you dial that Childline number!)  is still not keen in shooing them. 

But, PeaPod, my sensitive 21 year old,  whose friends and he I've chased many a time up the garden with 'pidie-in-closed-hand, is so arachnophobic that he states even the very name 'spider'  is frightening enough and now wants to refer to them as  'intruders'.

Fair do's.  But here's hoping he's not got a bedroom window open when screaming 

  ''Help - there's an intruder in my room!'  

Wonder how he'd explain that one to the police!

Sweet Venom

Poison Ivy on the phone - why can't you leave that man alone?

Infatuation, bold as brass, when they're alone within his class
Padded lips in twisted smile, eyes hypnotic, blue beguile
Manipulator, nonchalant, a marriage-wrecking debutante
Feeling those defences wane, as scents and smirks drive him insane

Poison Ivy on the phone, oh, how those lips and breasts have grown

Cascading hair in shades of gold, all sun-kissed, loved and uncontrolled
Addressing him in gingham frocks, bruise on thigh, and lacy socks
Suffocating steps too close, oh what those deep breaths could disclose and 
Nonesuch mind carries away the guilt he feels on this fine day

Poison Ivy on the phone - those silences you don't bemoan

Her following of wanton boys, whose soul and heart she soon destroys
Fail to sway her thoughts to them, this faceted, relentless gem
Who will not stop and so Hell bent, meaning every word she meant
That satin sheets and softer skin explode new senses deep within

Poison Ivy on the phone, please will you leave that man alone

Too much at risk, so quick to fool, something he never taught at school
So finalise and disengage, this girl around his own one's age
No more detentions, drives and lessons, before things run into confession
Just set aside those rights from wrongs - for we've been married far too long


© Pernickety Nell 2015

♯ iPodding Well Hope They Meant It ! ♯

  On a rather quiet bus ride home this morning, I was aware of a pair of female passengers a few seats up on the opposite side, looking round a few times.  I didn't know them so continued to stare out the window, listening to my music regardless.  It wasn't until we were all getting off at the terminus that things became clearer.  

Unplugging my earphones to thank the driver and in readiness to cross the busy road, one friend said to the other, loudly, and for my benefit:

"I think it's rude having to listen to other people's music on buses."

( Yikes! - I had the volume up a tad too high for the past couple of miles! )

The friend replied:

"I know!  AND she must have been about 40 as well! " 

I turned 51 in January.  Cheers ladies!    

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☼ Depressive Dan? ☼

He wanders round the tenements 
all broken glass and dust
Pride's gone out the window
hard to cope and readjust

No jobs or second chances
just the mighty hand of fate
Who clips you round the lughole
if your patience fails to wait

A trail of pure stagnation
answers economic fuss
Not many other topics 
for the worried to discuss

Houses held in high regard
now derelict and damp
Wall to wall frustrations
in the glow of spirit lamps

Fingers crossed for food banks
and offers to wet nurse
What's the point of popping off those clogs
you can't afford a hearse!

Hunger pangs and ulcers
colds attacking to the core 
Be glad of stuffy noses 
now that hygiene's out the door!


Everyone in equal wanton
stuck like glue to the same spot 
Where it matters not an inkling
if you're family or not

So, what held these folks together
down this cold and bitter path
The belief in healing music
the capacity to laugh

Life throws misfortune at you
hurls your beating heart downhill
Flirty notes and sense of humour then......
they'll never break your will

© Pernickety Nell  2015

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☆ Here Boy! ☆

I don't normally upload clips from talent shows.  I don't even continue to watch them after the seriously-deluded contestant stages are over.  But even I had to admit that the ultimate winner of this years Britain's Got Talent, really touched me.   Even had me wiping away a tear at the end.

A clever trainer, a clever dog, telling a funny and cleverly structured, touching story.  No need to watch the whole video as it's all just judges comments at the end, but give it at least 3 minutes and I guarantee you you'll have a lump in your throat by then.  Even I, a lifelong cat lover, had to put my feline-biased praises aside for a bit to make way for this little canine star.

  

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♥ Ma, Paw, Aunts and Uncles An Aw' ♥

I was delighted to know and see again, my mother and father's wedding photo taken on Dec 24th , 1947.  When you've a vast family and these few treasured snaps go AWOL, it's a relief in knowing that the picture is indeed, still in existence.  I quite coincidentally saw it through my 11 year old niece's snaps now she's fallen prisoner to Facebook but I'm still not clear on whose physical care the photograph is in.  Our family is spread far and wide, with it's complications but it's pretty apparent that we (and I'm hugely guilty of this myself) are getting on a bit ourselves and need to tie the ropes a bit tighter and one or two of us need to bite our tongues more.  

My mother looked the same most of her life - had beautiful skin and few wrinkles - but I can't believe my dad once looked so young!  I'm uploading it in all it's tattered glory but will edit it as near to it's former glory as I can later on.  If only their marriage (which amazingly lasted till my mother's death in 1988) had kept the beauty of this photograph. 

      My mother, Margaret, father Robert, Best Man Uncle Alex, Bridesmaid Auntie Nancy, and flower girl, Auntie Rita .....picture taken in the Co-operative Hall in Falkirk