Oh, Well. I Tried...!

My charity gig didn't go as well as I hoped. The main reasons were lack of band practise and lack of interest. Having had to cancel it previously twice before due to work, exams and family commitments, there still was a lack of practise from some of the bands. Personally, I made a vow that I would every year, raise money for CLIC Sargent via gigs. I may have to step down from this promise. I do still intend to raise money for the charity, but it'll be in the usual ways of crazy knitting, raffles and what other methods and ideas are concocted. I may even busk again via sponsorship. I managed to raise a hell of a lot that way before and at least all the sponsors don't need to be present but you're assured the sponsor pays up!

On a personal level, I was really disappointed that family and friends who said they would attend, didn't, apart from my neighbour Liz, whom was in agony with toothache. She was as disappointed as me at her not being able to make it. My little sister, however, whom I babysit for regularly, let me down at the last minute and that meant I had to stand at the doors all night when she promised she'd take over giving me a chance to video, take pictures, enjoy the bands and mingle. Apart from selling the tickets at the door, I was mainly babysitter to the drinks the smokers couldn't take outside with them. This hurt more than the fact that the tickets didn't sell as well as they did the previous year.

Mind you, the place was teenager-mobbed as most of the bands were rather heavy sounding, and to be honest the only time the entertainments manager approached me about a possible weekly spot for one of the bands was when The Signals were on. I think his words went along along the lines of.."thank fuck - a band that's playing a decent tune at last." And despite my supporting my own sons' bands, whom haven't done too badly for themselves with this kind of heavy muck, I had to agree with him.

Mind you, we never did get the chance to hear the last band on the bill as one of the boys went home feeling ill, but Neil was happy to let the really young 'uns have a nonsense jam at the end. My youngest son did his best to try and get me onstage to sing and play one of the songs we've written, but apart from feeling people had suffered enough, I knew my husband wouldn't be happy about it. He thinks I'm too old, you see, and besides, I had very little time for Dutch courage to take hold.

I also made the decision not to let the raffle go ahead. The number of heads there wouldn't even cover the cost of the items bought, even if two tickets per person were sold, and besides, with a full bottle of Jack Daniels being amongst the prizes, I felt the riotous teenagers were drunk and sweary enough and they didn't need extra fuelling if it was won by any of them. Thankfully, I do have a good neighbour, Madge, who has offered to organise a raffle for me before at the hospital where she works and this time I'm taking up her offer. She and her hubby are in their 60's and wouldn't have attended any such gig anyhow - which is understandable - and this is their way of taking part. So that I shall do.

I do have to admit that I was more than a little deflated at the end of the night. It has made me question both my trust and my confidence. Just when I thought I needed my family in the way I am always available for them (and if I'm honest I do put myself out a lot for people) they weren't there for me. It won't put me off entirely from similar things in the future, but I have to keep in mind that next year my older son will have left home and attending a university in Aberdeen so won't be around for taking part as easily. But I do have to remember that there are little kiddies who won't even get the chance to be a part of life, never mind a band, whom will benefit from the somewhat unorganised night. So I'll just have to shake off the horrible feeling of failure and convince myself that I'm not all that bad.